Do you worry a great deal about others and often forget your own needs? Read here how to learn to take proper care of yourself.
There are phases in life that are largely shaped by caring for others: the children are still small, or your parents need more help and attention than before. Sometimes both come at once and demand a great deal. But: only those who regularly build up their strength can really be there for others. In this article you will learn how to find a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.
Self-care: what does it mean?
Self-care means meeting ourselves with love. But it also means that we are responsible for our own well-being. In childhood our parents took on that role. As adults, though, we have to care for ourselves in order to stay balanced and to pay attention to our needs. Above all, you have to know what you need. Many people lose sight of that among their many duties. Mindfulness can help you feel again what your body and your soul want.
Why it is so important to learn to care for yourself
Are you completely absorbed in your work as a parent and want everything to be all right for your children? Do you often forget to think about your own needs? Or are you looking after your parents, who by now need help or even nursing care, because you want to give back the love with which they raised you?
There are many situations in which we neglect our own well-being because other people matter more to us. Yes, it is honourable to put another person's needs above your own. But if we cannot find a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for ourselves in the long run, everything can gradually get out of hand. When we ourselves lack strength, there is no strength left that we could give to others.
You can only be there for others if you take good care of yourself
It may not come naturally to you, but sometimes it is simply important to put yourself first and let others wait. That does not mean that from now on you should elbow your way forward. It only means that now and then you have to think about yourself and about your strength, so that you can recharge. Because only then can you pass your valuable energy on to other people.
If, on the other hand, you only give without allowing yourself rest and relaxation, you will quickly reach the limit of your strength. Then one day you will no longer be physically or emotionally able to care for others. So: do not ignore your needs, and take time for yourself! Say to yourself now and then: I am off! Away from stress and from illusory expectations.
How do I care for myself? 7 tips for everyday life
This question comes up again and again for people with a certain social streak, who simply cannot help helping and rescuing their fellow human beings. What makes them give themselves up and take on full responsibility for those close to them? It goes so far that, in caring for others, they forget themselves completely.
These 7 tips will help you take better care of yourself:
- Find out what you need. You are always there for others, but who are you yourself? What really matters to you in life, and what makes you happy? What are your needs And do you meet yourself as warmly as you meet the people you care for? Turn your attention to yourself, to find out what you, your body and your psyche, need. Seeing yourself as another person is a good exercise: what would you do to make sure that person was all right? It may sound paradoxical and absurd, but while you keep telling your children, your parents or other people to eat, drink and get enough sleep regularly, it is often precisely these basic needs that you neglect in yourself. Overtired and hungry, you drag yourself exhausted through the day. If you will not even grant yourself these basic needs, your emotional needs slip even further into the background.
- Watch out for the right "dose" of caring. There is no one we are more attached to than our children. You are our everything. Often you cannot imagine anything worse than something happening to your own children. But this justified concern and this strong feeling of love must not lead us to keep our children in sight at all times and to worry about them excessively. That hems children in and often drives them away from us.
- Accept yourself as you are. It is perfectly normal that not everyone is perfect. Nor can everyone always be in a good mood and full of energy. So it is quite normal if you admit to yourself that you are sometimes irritable or dissatisfied. Accept yourself as you are, with all your faults and weaknesses. Because you do not always have to please everyone.
- Confide in others. Not everything that weighs on us is short-lived and simply passes quickly. There are things that we have to carry with us for a very long time, sometimes even all our lives. This tightly packed emotional rucksack can be really heavy and a considerable burden. So it helps to confide in a friend or a professional. That is real self-care: making sure that you live at peace with yourself. That is the only way to be fully there for others again, if you want to be.
- Practise observing. Everything begins with analysis. Because you can only start to change something once you know what is missing and what your goal is. For that you have to listen inwards and understand what you feel. This look inwards also includes a look outwards, at the structures that surround and shape you. Inside and outside affect one another. If you keep both yourself and your surroundings in view, it will be easier to become aware of your needs. It takes a little practice, but step by step it brings you back to yourself. To begin with you can do a few breathing exercises, or simply pause for a moment and feel, entirely without judgement, how you are. You can learn to treat yourself more consciously, for example at our online meetings in the Freud's Legacy club, which will help you let go of entrenched patterns of behaviour that otherwise have a reinforcing effect. Step by step you will learn more about yourself again and find out how to recharge your batteries and find the right amount of caring for the people around you.
- Take time out regularly. That does not mean that you should pack your bags and go away on holiday for several weeks. A break can consist of ten minutes of meditation, half an hour of yoga, a relaxing bath, a visit to the sauna or a walk. What matters is that during this time you devote yourself only to yourself, to your needs and your thoughts. Self-care also has to do with self-determination, so you should regularly do the things that only you enjoy, whatever others say or want. These times out matter not only for you: caring for yourself and caring for others go hand in hand. Only when you care for yourself enough do you have the strength to help others actively, on the principle that the strong help the weak. To become strong and to stay strong, you need these conscious moments with yourself. Many people also speak of resilience in this connection. It is the staying power you need to cope with emotionally demanding problems, without those phases gradually weakening you until all your reserves are used up. Grow stronger by taking time for yourself, and then support others with all your energy!
- Meet up with friends. Caring about others usually takes a great deal of time. Often everyday life is always the same, the same tasks have to be done every day, and at the end of the day you fall into bed worn out and tired. That is why it is important to make room for variety and to exchange ideas with other people. Meeting friends takes your mind off things for a while, brings new impulses into your life and relieves emotional strain.
How to care for yourself in everyday life
Now you know that you should take better care of yourself. But how can you build self-care into a busy everyday life? Quite simply: by creating small oases of relaxation and bringing things into everyday life that you would do on holiday, for example. Here are a few ideas:
- In the morning, stay in bed five minutes longer, breathe in and out in a relaxed way and feel how your body is doing.
- After you get up, stand at the open window for a few minutes and breathe in the fresh morning air.
- Are you going shopping? Then simply sit down in a cafe on the way and have an espresso or a piece of cake. Consciously enjoy the moment you have just for yourself.
- Simply put your feet up for five minutes and close your eyes. Even that will help you recharge your batteries.
- Sit on the balcony or go out into a meadow and watch the sunset.
- Read a book or a magazine, even if you have no time at all. In between there is always a chance for a page or an interesting article.
- Are you in town? Sit in an empty church for a few minutes and simply enjoy the quiet
As you can see, these tips are very easy to put into practice and do not take much time. You will quickly feel the reward for these small units of self-care: more strength, more energy, more serenity and more zest for life!
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