M. O. S. T. — a bridge between partners

... one that is already formed by the time we are born and does not change over the course of our life. We come into this world either as an introvert or as an extravert, and as a person with a dominant active, masculine or passive, feminine principle. In psychology, the combination of introversion or extraversion with an active or a passive life position adds up to one of the four psychological temperaments: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic.

By the end of the first year of life, depending on the circumstances, the structure of our nervous system is laid down. It may be geared towards inner logical reasoning, towards emotional reaction or towards physical activity. Through early childhood we hone and consolidate the psychological foundation that will later be called character. And that is what creates the basis for the psychological compatibility of men and women in adult life.

... and it is nothing other than one of the four temperaments multiplied by one of the three types of nervous system. 4 × 3 = 12! Every personality type comes with its own values, its own way of perceiving things, its typical defences against stressful situations, its neurotic and stabilising needs, its fears, beliefs and sore points. On that basis we (and you) can determine the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, both in a relationship and in business.

The sexual, romantic and everyday compatibility of a young man and a young woman can be high. But more often than not their psychophysiological combination of personality types turns out to be predictably unhappy. Over the past century psychology has studied millions of life stories. Researchers have analysed the structure of the temperaments across every parameter and by a variety of methods. Today an experienced profiler can, through questions, tests and observation, establish, calculate and forecast a person’s behaviour. In the same way we can determine the degree of psychological compatibility of a man and a woman for married, sexual and romantic life.

… that men and women with similar characters have better psychological compatibility. In psychology, as in physics, the rule is that ‘opposites attract’. The highest psychological compatibility of a man and a woman is found where they are not alike. For a harmonious and complete marriage the partners, the man and the woman, have to complement each other psychologically. That does not mean at all that such couples never have tense or conflict-ridden moments. But they get through them far more gently and at a much lower emotional cost.

Mutual psychological compatibility between a woman and a man also does not mean that you have to work at the relationship. Adjusting to each other, communicating without conflict, negotiating — all of that has its place at work or in business. For two souls, a man’s and a woman’s, to come together you need to be yourself, without trying to play someone else and without pleasing your partner at your own expense. If, on those terms, a couple is happy together and gets on comfortably and joyfully — that is what real, high psychological compatibility of a man and a woman is. And it is only possible when the partners’ psychological personality types suit each other in marriage.

Compatibility of a man and a woman is when two people can interact, talk and come to an agreement simply, easily and richly. Each of us has our own psychological personality type, which can be identified from the outside. Every personality type has its own needs, its own little neuroses and its habitual reactions. Psychological compatibility is when these patterns fit and complement each other

Perfect compatibility

High psychological compatibility is when the relationship between a man and a woman, between partners or between two people talking, simply takes care of itself.

• They do not need to negotiate, because their goals point in the same direction.
• They meet each other’s needs effortlessly: what she enjoys doing is what he needs, and the other way round.
• They do not quarrel and can let their emotions out freely, because the things she says in the heat of the moment do not hit his ‘sore points’ and neuroses, and the other way round.

Compatibility of a man and a woman does NOT mean sameness. Psychological compatibility means comfort, ease and very little energy spent on keeping the marriage, the relationship between a man and a woman, going. And that is exactly what we can calculate and determine from psychological parameters

The subject of psychological compatibility comes up in every area of human relations: between a man and a woman in marriage, between business partners and colleagues at work, and even in choosing a profession, a country to live in or a religion to adopt.

Psychological compatibility of a man and a woman in marriage and in relationships

Compatibility in love is usually looked at in the relationship between a man and a woman. It covers not only the psychological and the mental, but also the physical and the sexual. For partners who intend to build a lasting relationship, the psychological connection comes first.

On the one hand, every psychological personality type already comes with its own, easily predictable sexual preferences. On the other, even sex changes over time and takes on new forms. In a couple who are genuinely psychologically compatible, these changes happen painlessly for both.

Social compatibility

Compatibility in social terms covers intelligence, cultural background, education, religious and political views. It helps to explore how relationships with colleagues, friends and the rest of your circle will develop.

All psychological personality types belong to one of three groups:

1. Men and women oriented towards themselves and their own inner needs. For them their own interests come before society.
2. Personalities who put the interests of society before their own.
3. Loners, who try to keep themselves apart from society or above it (not to be confused with introverts).

Absolute psychological compatibility of a man and a woman is only possible in a couple in which both partners belong to one and the same of the social groups listed above.

If your relationships have not gone the way you wanted, then most likely you:

• do not fully understand or picture what — or who — you want yourself;
• chose partners by outward signs (looks, intelligence, success);
• ‘fell for’ displays of love and care — or, on the contrary, were won over by an outward coldness and air of mystery...

Psychological compatibility of a man and a woman begins with

• understanding yourself, your psychological personality type and the unconscious needs, patterned reactions and defences and unrecognised fears that come with it
• ‘cutting loose’ from the social and parental messages that do not match your psychological personality type
• becoming aware of exactly which man or woman complements my character, and how and in what situations they do it

There are in fact plenty of possibilities. You will discuss your past failures and successes with a professional counsellor online and will be able to work out their causes yourself within this project. That is the very essence of psychological compatibility

... which psychological personality type you yourself belong to, and give you clear instructions about the partner, man or woman, who is psychologically compatible with you. Here is how it works.

If you are a single man or woman:

• You go through one-to-one profiling with a specialist online, in which you establish your Personality Type;
• you find out which personality types are compatible with you, how to recognise them and how to deal with them — you receive the Instruction.

If you are already in a couple, both of you have to take part in the project:

• You go through the same path as you would if you were profiled on your own;
• you receive the Instruction on how to make your particular relationship happier.

And what if you suddenly find out that your psychological compatibility with your partner is... not very high? It is simple: an experienced counsellor will help you both understand the psychological reasons for the conflicts, the resentments and the misunderstandings, and will give you the ‘tools’ to move towards each other together.

BUT! Let us be realistic — it is quite possible that both of you, or one of you, will realise that a perfect relationship together is out of reach and will decide to separate. Yes, that does happen. But even then you will have a counsellor beside you to make the parting as painless as possible.

There is a special gift for everyone taking part in the project. As a bonus you join the company of level-headed men and women who are also developing their knowledge and skills — the Psychology Club. You may well meet a friend there, or even someone you love.

This method ‘works’ not only for two people and not only when it comes to the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman. It can just as well be used to build a close-knit, productive, conflict-free team. Knowing the psychological typology of different men and women is the basis of mutual understanding between friends and relatives. So you will be able to use M. O. S. T. in a far broader sense than just love relationships!

The process of determining the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman works like this:

1. If you have questions about psychological compatibility, you can contact us through the chat and leave a phone number. We call back and answer questions free of charge.
2. Once you decide to switch into ‘search mode’ for the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, you register and pay on the portal. We then have a call of about 45 minutes on Skype to establish your personality type.
3. Then, a couple of days later, comes a second call with the compatibility results and the profile of the man or woman who suits you. We describe the type of that man / woman, their style, where they work, how they speak, what they are afraid of and what they dream about. In short, we tell you everything about you and about your partner.
4. If a compatible man / woman is in our database, you get their contact details. Which does not let you off searching on your own!
5. And the most interesting part is the feedback on how your relationship is developing. Did the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman work out for you?

You can meet people for free... the usual way. But something about your free options is not working for you. So that you do not step on the same rake twice, and so that we can determine the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, we will spend two hours with you personally — and for a whole month afterwards you can go on working with our specialists on whatever stops you living in a simple, easy and joyful relationship. The price includes:

1. One hour of establishing your personality type
2. One hour of counselling about you, about the partner who suits you, about your past life and about psychological compatibility
3. 30+ hours (!!!) of group meetings on all sorts of topics, where, among other things, you can meet the men who suit you and the women who are perfect for you

In other words, a paid dating club for serious relationships, and the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, comes almost free!

The list of candidates depends first of all on your personality type. And that still has to be established. So we only offer candidates once we have the result. Verified psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, so to speak)

To find your person, three parameters have to match:

1. a compatible personality type
2. an age of the man or woman that complements yours
3. a suitable city in which your psychologically compatible partner lives

A dating club for serious relationships is an online project, independent of geography. We mostly cover four time zones: from the eastern shore of the Atlantic to the Volga. People come to us from

• Russia, Ukraine and Belarus,
• Spain, the United Kingdom, Belgium
• Switzerland, Germany, Austria,
• Slovakia, the Czech Republic and Slovenia
• Israel, and many other countries.

Psychological compatibility of a man and a woman

We determine your character: what you were born with and what stays unchanged from childhood on. Over a lifetime we pick up experience, habits and skills. Behaviour that was typical of us in our youth comes to look unreasonable or irresponsible with age. And yet all that experience matters far less for your personal life than the way you behaved as a child.

A personal relationship is not the place for using skills. It is the sphere where you want to relax and be yourself, to behave naturally and without strain. And it is precisely this behaviour that is the foundation of a relationship, of the compatibility of a man and a woman.

But if we behave freely with a partner, it also matters that our ‘naturalness’ does not hurt them. That is why some people are easy for us to be with and others very hard. Our job is to find you a match with whom things will be easy, simple and joyful. That is what psychological compatibility is.

In technical language, character is called personality type. Many clients object at first: ‘I am unique.’ But if we had nothing at all in common and were purely individual, psychology as a discipline could never have come about in the first place. What is more, not a single religion would have arisen. Because even religions are based on the psychological compatibility of the dominant part of the population in a given territory. Just like relationships between a man and a woman)))

When someone looks for answers to their questions about life, the answers turn out, one way or another, to coincide with the answers of a particular group. Besides questions there are difficulties, problems and complications, and these too are similar within a group of people. It is this similarity that we identify during the consultation and the assessment of psychological compatibility.

A person’s character begins to form as early as the prenatal period, during pregnancy. We are born already carrying one of the four temperaments described by Hippocrates. In the first six months of life one of the three forms of the nervous system is consolidated. And by the age of six the personality type is finally shaped through the family environment. At school the character is ‘run in’ and then stays unchanged for the rest of life. And in adult life it becomes the basis for the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman

In determining the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman through personality types we draw on established psychoanalytic traditions, for example

• Jung’s introversion and extraversion, the locus of control, the active and the passive position
• Freud’s fixations, Lowen’s natural rights of the personality
• Grof’s matrices, and much more

Many of these directions are gathered together in the S-Theory, a system that brings together more than 100 years of psychoanalytic observation. The S-Theory was developed by Sergey Shishkov and colleagues at the Moscow Research Institute of Social Psychology and the Psychology of Personality Development. Our own contribution lies in applying a system created for counselling to everyday life. That is how the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman reached a wider public)

The answer is simple: it is when there is psychological compatibility between a man and a woman. Or, as one of the Club’s clients put it,

How wonderful that there is hope for a normal relationship without therapy!

Here is a surprise: two complete nutcases, a man and a woman, can live in psychological harmony with each other. A dating club for serious relationships does not demand ‘skills for a healthy relationship’, ‘conflict-free communication’ or ‘freedom from co-dependency’. Instead we look for compatible personality types and the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman. That makes it possible

• not to ‘lock horns’ with each other in the relationship, but to exchange energy and draw on it
• to meet each other’s needs ‘for free’ and naturally
• to show emotions freely without treading on your partner’s sore spots.

That is what psychological compatibility is!

The answer is simple: because there is no psychological compatibility between the man and the woman. Because of our character (which is formed by the age of six and stays unchanged for life), each of us has:

• skills that come easily to us and cost us no energy. Some people analyse effortlessly, others experiment without a second thought.
• weaknesses — the things that come terribly hard to us.
• neuroses — the things we take offence at in a relationship. These are the traces of childhood traumas, the moments when we ‘blow up’ over nothing.

We are always drawn to people who fill in our ‘weaknesses’, that is, who complement our weaknesses with their skills. People we are psychologically compatible with. We pick our ‘other halves’, so to speak, and it works both ways: I give you what costs me nothing (through my Skills) and fill your Weaknesses, and you do the same for me.

On the other hand, behaving naturally, freely and in a relaxed way in a relationship, I may ‘blow up’, ‘get irritated’ and ‘lose my temper’. And here it matters that my partner does not react painfully to such ‘quirks’. Men and women like that are easy for us to be with. That is what psychological compatibility is

To choose a man or a woman for YOURSELF, you have to know YOURSELF. That is exactly why a dating club for serious relationships, and the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, begins with establishing your own personality type and building a shared understanding with your counsellor of ‘who I am’.

And our observation is this: 80% get themselves wrong. What psychological compatibility can there be if a person cannot even describe themselves! People recognise themselves in the description of one personality type and, after profiling, settle on another. And that is the first benefit: AT THE DATING CLUB YOU GET TO KNOW YOURSELF

It is hard to comment on claims that counsellors do not understand people and do not themselves know what psychological compatibility is... but we can try. Where do you think the largest collection of people’s life stories is kept, from birth and childhood right through to old age? With counsellors, perhaps?

Psychology was born as a discipline 100 years ago. Since then millions of life stories have been collected and catalogued, grouped by similarities both in the past and in patterns of behaviour, speech and appearance. Now that knowledge can be used to determine the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman, and to find the person with whom things will be easy, simple and joyful for you.

People are often advised to date 7 candidates at once. Seven is the limit of memory — just enough to remember the names and not mix them up. It is a sensible tactic: when you do not know who to look for, who you are compatible with, you look everywhere, like for a needle in a haystack. Hence the sound advice: if you are dating blind, go for numbers. Dating, by the way, is an expensive business. It takes a mass of time, effort and energy. And sooner or later it wears you out.

We offer a different alternative: you will go straight to meeting the men and women you are psychologically compatible with. At the very least it saves time. And you will be able to compare notes right away and check our pointers about compatibility and about the strengths and weaknesses of a potential partner.

I can hear the objection: ‘that limits my experience’. Agreed: if the aim is to ignore the experience of humankind and build your own from scratch instead, then you have to try everything, in bulk. Maybe you will get lucky. Or maybe it will turn out the way it does for everyone who never checks psychological compatibility.

Why do we ignore the psychological compatibility of a man and a woman? Why do we choose the wrong people?

Often at the second meeting, when we have already established psychological compatibility and offer clients a man or a woman of a suitable personality type, the reactions go like this: ‘No, I have always gone for someone else’, ‘Those are the ones I am friends with, but I do not fancy sleeping with them’.

A little later, a couple of weeks on, clients get used to the new idea and even start remembering that they had fallen in love with types like that before. In other words, they had been following psychological compatibility after all, only unconsciously. So why the rejection or avoidance?

Often we choose as partners the men and women who resemble the people who hurt us in childhood. It may be a mother who told us off. Or a tyrannical father. Then, unconsciously, we spend our lives choosing people who resemble them, in order to ‘close the gestalt’, to get even for the childhood trauma, to resolve for ourselves a situation that was unresolvable when we were small. As counsellors, we recognise this tendency and will talk with you about what stands in the way of psychological compatibility