Relationships with other people matter a great deal in the life of everyone, because by nature we are social beings. All of us want relationships that are comfortable and that feel good to us.
Two needs: giving and taking
When it comes to relationships, two needs are always in play: giving and taking. Both of them matter enormously. In healthy, harmonious relationships, the ones that bring joy and something good into your life, it is important to keep these two needs in balance. And it makes no difference what kind of relationship it is: romantic, family, friendship, parent and child, a team at work and so on.
You need to know, and to keep in mind at all times, that the exchange involves both material and non-material things. You can give attention and receive care, for example, or give money and receive attention. If both sides keep this balance, the relationship is comfortable and satisfying. But once something goes off, all kinds of problems begin. A person starts to feel negative, unpleasant feelings — resentment, anger, a sense that everything is unfair and so on — when they sense that they are giving more than they get.
Sometimes a person receives negativity. What to do then? Give negativity back? In that case it is best to give the other person something neutral or positive. Because if we start reacting negatively, the relationship breaks down. But here, too, it is worth listening closely to yourself and seeing where the negativity crosses certain lines. After all, it does not depend on you alone.
The other side of the coin is the constant urge to do people good. Here it is your partner you should be thinking about: are you overfeeding them? That is why being aware of and understanding your own boundaries, and those of the other person, is such an important point.
Another way of upsetting the balance is not being able to take, when a person only gives and takes nothing in return. In the end this leads to severe depletion, and no relationship like that will be healthy and harmonious.
The balance of giving and taking is often upset by mistrust of the world, lack of faith in oneself and personal limitations of one kind or another. That is why in any relationship you need to talk to the other person and say, for instance, that you are not ready to give something, or that you would like to receive something specific. At least that way you will have spoken your wishes and needs out loud; whether your partner will listen, unfortunately, is impossible to predict. But you will have been honest with yourself.
I wish you harmonious relationships in every area of your life!
