Most of the time we treat other people far more kindly and indulgently than we treat ourselves. How to learn to love yourself — you will find out in our article.
Why do we struggle so much with self-love? Sometimes it is because we depend too often on the approval of others instead of taking good care of ourselves. How to track down your limiting beliefs, learn to forgive yourself and come to find yourself lovable — you can read about it in this article.
Loving yourself — what does that mean?
When did you last ask yourself these questions:
- How am I?
- What am I feeling?
- What am I thinking?
- What are my wishes?
Probably a long time ago. And yet these are your needs, and they are the ones you have to meet first and foremost in order to experience happiness, contentment and well-being. Self-love is the foundation of your feelings and, in the end, of your health. You yourself are the most important thing in your life, and you ought to value that.
Loving yourself does not mean being in love with yourself. It is not about staring at yourself in the mirror from now on and acting only out of self-interest. Self-love means respecting yourself, accepting yourself and not ignoring yourself, your needs and your feelings. At the same time it means that your self-esteem does not depend on other people's affection and appreciation, but on how much you value yourself. This kind of love can be learned.
Why self-love matters so much
Growing self-love makes us less vulnerable, more self-assured and, in the end, happier. Inner strength and contentment bring you into balance on every level. That benefits not only your soul but your physical health as well. You matter, because you deserve to feel good every day and to get along with yourself.
Once you learn to love yourself, it no longer matters what others say or think about you. Other people often judge us even when they do not know us. Their opinion, however, can leave you completely unmoved, because you know that you really are a fine, lovable person.
Why is self-love so hard to learn?
Do you find it hard to love yourself? Then the key usually lies in negative beliefs. Learned doubts and a sense of inadequacy, which our parents often fixed in our thinking in childhood, keep us trapped in old patterns even in adult life. Usually this happens in the subconscious, quite unnoticed, yet it has a powerful effect on our self-perception and on our lives.
Such beliefs are mostly based on other people's opinions, and yet they shape you as you develop and they limit your personality. Typical thoughts that stop you from loving yourself as you are include, for example:
I am only delightful when I am perfect.
I must not show any feelings, or I will be hurt.
I am worthless
But with a little patience and practice anyone really can let go of these limiting beliefs and reframe them. Once you turn your thoughts about self-love around, you will gradually notice your well-being, your feelings and your actions changing too.
11 tips for learning to love yourself
Ask yourself: "Who is the most important person in my life?" If you have to think for a while and go through your whole family and circle of friends in your head, then you should definitely read on here. Because the answer, without hesitation, is: I am.
You are the most important person and, at the same time, your own best friend. So look after yourself with love and learn to put yourself first with the help of these 11 tips:
1. Write down what you like about yourself
Think carefully about what you like about yourself. Take a sheet of paper and a pen and list everything positive. Small things count too. The more you engage with yourself and with your likeable qualities, the more you realise what potential you actually have. Over time you can add to your self-love list, because once you have taken the first step, more and more things you like about yourself will come to mind. An occasional glance at this list will help you focus on the qualities you value in yourself and, step by step, learn to love yourself even more.
2. Acknowledge your negative beliefs
Acknowledge the negative beliefs that keep you from developing freely and from accepting your weaknesses. Nobody is perfect, and that is a good thing. So write your negative thoughts down, become aware of them and start turning them into positive ones. It will not work overnight. But once new, positive beliefs take hold in your thinking, you will feel freer.
3. Take responsibility
Take your life into your own hands. Because you alone are responsible for your emotional and physical health. Deep inside you are already whole, so stop chasing the outward perfection that others want to impose on you. You will never be able to please everyone, but you can please yourself. What holds you back is taking other people's behaviour towards you personally. Because in most cases negative behaviour has nothing to do with you at all: it is a reflection of the emotional world of your counterpart.
4. Praise yourself
Instead of looking at yourself critically every day, you should praise yourself more often for what you are good at, what you have done well and what is good in you. From now on look at yourself with a positive eye and forget what other people think. There is no need at all to play down the size of your mistakes, because it is precisely through your weaknesses and your strengths that you are a valuable, lovable person. Learn to forgive yourself for mistakes and do not be angry at the past.
5. Accept your weaknesses
Every person in this world has both strengths and weaknesses. Nothing can be changed about that. But here is what you can do: accept your weaknesses. Some things simply are the way they are. Full stop. So do not let that weigh you down; instead, strengthen yourself and your self-confidence by leaning on your strengths.
6. Set boundaries
Perhaps you have always sacrificed yourself and looked after others just to win their recognition. Your own needs, meanwhile, were pushed into the background. Then the moment has come to set clear boundaries. Helpfulness is a fine virtue, but not when it comes at the expense of your own feelings. It is perfectly all right to say "no" often when someone turns to you for help. Offer your help only in ways that are a pleasure and that give you pleasure too. Caring about others should not end in distress for yourself.
7. Consider professional help
We are often so stuck inside ourselves that only with the help of others can we get out of the old rut and see things far more clearly. A counsellor, for instance, can help you question your limiting beliefs.
8. Treat yourself to something good
To learn to love yourself, you need to give time to yourself alone. Read a good book, take a long bath, treat yourself to a massage, go to a spa for the weekend — in short: do what is good for you and for your soul, what gives you energy and what you can focus on completely Well-being.
9. Look at yourself
Comparing yourself with others anytime and anywhere does you no good. In the end it leaves you dissatisfied and undermines your self-esteem. Besides, such comparisons often do not hold, because different people have different backgrounds and different demands on them. Often you see only the pretty surface of the people around you. Behind the façade things can sometimes look quite different. So look at yourself and measure yourself against yourself. Let go of that false belief and tell yourself for a moment: "I am going inward!" You will learn a great deal about yourself that you can do better today than before. Your self-love can grow out of that insight.
10. Spend time alone with yourself
To learn to love yourself, it is important to keep looking at yourself. That calls for moments when you can spend time alone with yourself. Because then you have time to think, to listen to your inner voice and to do what is good for you, without taking other people's needs into account as you usually do. Such small breaks do more than help self-love grow. They are also a wonderful way to preserve and further strengthen the self-love you already have. If you treat yourself to something pleasant in these moments, you can learn to love yourself very well indeed, and that shows in the appreciation you feel for your body and your soul. This is how you learn to love yourself and your body.
11. Think of your body too.
Besides the many things you can do to strengthen your mind, it is also important to do good for your body, which is just as much a part of you. That can mean sport and exercise, but also a tasty dinner and a relaxing bath. When you treat your body well, it expresses affection for yourself and strengthens your self-love. Under no circumstances should you fight your body or even slip into self-optimisation. This is about recognising your body's needs and doing it good, not about demanding more from it: if you are tense, treat yourself to a massage. If you are tired and worn out, then relax in the sun.
The more self-love you have, the higher your self-esteem. All you need for that is patience and faith in yourself, because change takes time and there may well be the odd slip back into old patterns. That makes it all the more important! Because the reward is the priceless feeling of accepting yourself and being content with who you are.
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