Simply accepting something and coming to terms with it, even when we do not like it, is very hard. But it is also an important step towards a happy life, because there are things we cannot change. I will give you tips and exercises with which you can learn to accept.
The skill of acceptance
In life we constantly meet situations, people or problems that do not match our notions and that can also cause us suffering. Acceptance means, first and foremost, taking this as given. It has nothing to do with giving up or losing - quite the opposite: as long as you fight something you cannot change, you are spending time and energy that you urgently need elsewhere. Accepting something, on the other hand, means this: you rid yourself of many negative feelings such as despair, helplessness, fear or anger. Now you can use the energy you have saved to look for solutions and to improve your situation. Learning to accept also means taking your life back into your own hands.
8 basic facts you should accept right now
Yes, it is hard. But there are some things that simply cannot be changed, however much we would like to do something about them. They include the following eight facts:
- Everything alive dies. You yourself will die in the end, and so will your friends and the members of your family. Accepting this is hard, but necessary - because only with a clear knowledge of this fact can you enjoy your life to the full and prepare as well as possible for what will happen one day.
- Absolute safety is impossible. There are many risks in your life that you can reduce. Even so, plenty of dangers remain. Bad things can happen to you, and you are far from able to prevent all of them. This realisation can be frightening, but also reassuring - because it means that you are not responsible for controlling everything.
- The past can no longer be changed. Most people carry a burden from the past with them. And many find it hard to break away from those memories and to come to terms with the past. Acceptance is the path to more happiness in life. What happened, happened once. But you have the chance to do better from today on and to make use of your experience.
- People are different. They have different values, principles, ideas, beliefs, feelings, experience and goals. Many people are very unlike you, including in the areas that matter to you. That is simply how it is.
- The world is not fair. Most films and books reward the good in the end and punish the bad. That is because we want reality to work the same way. Unfortunately, it does not. Bad things can happen even to the best, most honest, most sincere and bravest of people. And quite often dreadful people get away with what they do. The world is not fair. Only if you accept this fundamental fact can you stand up for justice in individual cases and fight for it.
- Other people will judge you. It would be very good if we all respected and supported one another. The fact, however, is that there will always be people who pass judgment on you, on your actions and on your values. Not letting such narrow judgments knock you off course is a high art. You will be able to master that art - you have guessed it - if you accept that you cannot please everyone.
- Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are part of it, on a small scale and on a large one. You have made mistakes already and you will make more. Only when you accept this fact can you learn from your mistakes and face the consequences of your decisions.
- Your circumstances are what they are. Background, sex, health, financial situation, family, ... Many people fight their circumstances all the time and do not even notice that they are simply standing still. It may well be that your starting conditions are worse than those of others. But if you keep lamenting your circumstances, you will never be able to move forward. Accepting your situation is the first step towards making the most of your possibilities.
10 tips for developing acceptance
Reading the last section may have saddened you, perhaps upset or weighed you down. That is normal - we touched on painful subjects there. Nevertheless (or perhaps because of it) it is worth working on this. I will tell you how to do it. Here are ten basic tips that will help you learn to accept:
1. Think about the things that are hard to accept
Thinking is an important step in acceptance. Let the difficult subjects come to you and keep paying attention to them. You will find that this gradually makes them lighter. Do not let the subjects dominate you, though: you decide when you think about them and when that is enough.
2.Your emotions are your guide
If you are angry, feel despair or are afraid, it is worth taking a closer look. Where do these emotions come from? Often behind them lies a subject that you cannot change but also cannot accept. Then you can look at it more closely.
3. Focus on what you can change
Acceptance does not mean passivity - quite the opposite: focus on the areas of life in which you can change something. You will discover how many of them there are and how good it is to really change a situation.
4. Learn serenity
You can practise a relaxed attitude even on a small scale. Always make it clear to yourself that there is no sense in getting upset if a situation cannot be changed. Make a conscious choice to stay calm.
5. Stay in the moment
If you keep brooding on the past or worrying about the future, this small exercise may help you: take a few deep breaths and say to yourself, “I am here and now, only this moment matters.” Then you direct your attention. to what you can see right now. What do you see, hear, smell, taste and feel? This is the moment, here and now.
6. Close off subjects from the past
Find an hour to settle comfortably with writing things and a cup of tea. Gather the subjects and situations from your past that still catch at you and occupy you. Then look at each situation on its own and think about what else you can or should do to resolve it. Most often you will see that you cannot do more than you have already done, or that you have no way of doing it. In other cases you can, for instance, ask for a conversation to clear things up, if that makes sense for you.
Make concrete action plans for how you want to proceed. And then close off the subjects one by one. The situations in which you can change nothing come first. Write them down separately on a small sheet of paper and think about what else you can learn from each situation. Then thank the situation for the lesson, and after that burn or tear up the sheet of paper and let the subject go with it. With some subjects you will certainly have to repeat the exercise a few more times, but step by step you will be able to close such difficult situations.
7. Speak clearly
When we do not want to accept something, we often refuse even to look at it or to name it. Use the power of your words in order to look. Say clearly what the situation is:
- “Yes, I took the wrong turn and now I am stuck in a traffic jam on the wrong motorway.”
- “Yes, I have been given a diagnosis that frightens me.”
- “Yes, I think my relationship is falling apart.”
- “Yes, my dream is shattered.”
By naming the subject clearly you free yourself from suppression and create the possibility of accepting it, and then of finding solutions instead of despairing.
8. Be indulgent with yourself
Allow yourself to grieve, to be angry, to make mistakes, not to do everything, to find some things hard to accept. That too is a form of acceptance: allowing yourself to be the way you are.
9. Be grateful
The more precisely you know how much good there is in your life, the easier it will be for you to accept the bad. So be grateful - with this small exercise, for instance: every evening before you go to sleep, write down three things that made you happy today, that were especially beautiful or that you are grateful for. Perhaps the same subjects come up again and again, but that does not matter. It simply shows that there are very valuable things in your life. Gratitude makes you a little happier with every day and helps you get through crises better.
10. Use the energy that is freed up
When you find that you can accept a subject, you will also notice how new energy is freed up. Fear, anger and resistance tie up a great deal of strength that you could use elsewhere. When you realise that you still have strength left, enjoy that knowledge and apply it consciously to what suits you.
Make it clear to yourself that learning to accept does not mean failure. On the contrary: it means reducing suffering, taking responsibility for your own life and putting your strength into what you really can change.
Would you like to discuss and practise everything you have just read?
Then join our online meeting
The skill of acceptance - the path to happiness! - 30 Apr, 2021 18:00 - Europe/Vienna
(30 Apr, 2021 18:00 - Europe/Vienna) In life we constantly meet situations, people or problems that do not match our notions and that can also cause us suffering. Acceptance means, first and foremost, taking this as given. It has nothing to do with giving up or losing - quite the opposite: as long as you fight something you cannot change, you are spending time and energy that you urgently need elsewhere. Accepting something, on the other hand, means this: you rid yourself of many negative feelings such as despair, helplessness, fear or anger. Now you can use the energy you have saved to look for solutions and to improve your situation. Learning to accept also means taking your life back into your own hands.
https://freud.online/events/892-navyk-prinyatiya-put-k-schast-yu
