Do you only feel good when other people give you recognition? Do you need constant praise and attention? This article will tell you where that comes from.
If you are addicted to recognition, you put yourself under enormous pressure to do everything as well as you possibly can. In the long run that constant stress can become too much for you.
Why do we look for recognition?
The striving for recognition is a basic need. Even as children we want our parents to praise us, we want them to be proud of us and for that to strengthen the emotional bond. Support from our parents nourishes our self-confidence and lets us develop and explore our personal strengths freely. Praise from other people gives us strength and the certainty that we are doing the right thing.
So there is nothing reprehensible about receiving recognition and doing the things that earn it. This inner drive becomes a problem, however, if we build our whole life around being admired and praised, if we set no limits and take on more than we can bear.
Why am I dependent on approval?
Everyone wants to be loved, or at least valued, by other people, because the basic need for recognition is part of every one of us. Some people, though, need far more attention than that and cannot live without it. Here is where an addiction to recognition comes from:
1. Happiness as a drug
When we are praised for our work, it produces a feeling of happiness in us. And because that feeling is so incredibly good, we always want more of it. So for some people recognition can come to feel like a medicine they will do anything to get. That craving leads straight to dependence on other people's appreciation, which can bring on a genuine high. But if the expected feedback does not come, inner satisfaction collapses at once.
2. Low self-esteem
An addiction to recognition comes from low self-esteem and a lack of self-love. Because if you only feel valuable through confirmation from outside, you suffer whenever you are away from the spotlight. Satisfaction, pleasure, happiness in life — those affected feel all of it only while the floodlights are on them. The moment they are alone, the brief sense of happiness disappears and the inner emptiness opens up again. This creates an endless cycle that can be quite exhausting, both emotionally and physically.
An excessive need for recognition usually takes shape in childhood. Those whose parents praised them only for outstanding achievements feel driven towards peak performance as adults. If their parents placed particular emphasis on looks and outward impact, they will later be defined by their appearance too. Anyone who was punished in childhood by the withdrawal of love will be seeking recognition in everything they do.
3. Narcissistic disorder
An addiction to approval can also rest on some form of narcissism. You then feel yourself to be the centre of the world, with everyone else obliged to lie at your feet. Outwardly, at least, that is the image you project. Today's social media are the perfect vehicle for such self-presentation. Deep inside, though, there are complexes of insecurity, dissatisfaction and inferiority that you want to hide behind a dazzling façade. The result is a self-denying way of fitting in, all to feed the endless craving for recognition. And “female narcissism” is more common than you might think.
When does an addiction to recognition become a problem?
You may know the picture of the ageing film diva, celebrated by her fans all her life, who in old age sits at home alone and forgotten, mourning the old days. Without admiration, her life has no meaning. It is the same with the competitive athlete who pushes past his limits again and again because the crowd is cheering him on, and who at the end of his career falls into a deep pit of depression for want of recognition. Outwardly they want to portray something they are not. They do not even know who they are, because they have always presented themselves the way other people wanted to see them.
People who are addicted to recognition force themselves to prompt others into thanking them, praising them or paying them a compliment. If the expected response fails to materialise, however, or comes as a rejection, they have no idea how to cope with it. Constantly crossing their own boundaries and living against their real needs, they become more and more unbalanced. This can affect mental and physical well-being and produce symptoms such as:
- tiredness
- insomnia
- exhaustion
- irritability
- susceptibility to infections
- eating disorders
In the worst case an addiction to recognition leads to severe depression or burnout, which is hard to overcome without therapy.
What can I do about an addiction to recognition?
If you cannot live without recognition and keep chasing that intoxicating feeling without knowing or meeting your real needs, it is worth looking into the reasons behind your behaviour. Whom do you want to please, and why? Would you still do it if you got no recognition for it? Once you become aware of your dependence, you are already halfway to a cure.
So if you want to break out of your endless chase after recognition, you need to strengthen your self-esteem. Who are you really, and why do you always pretend in order to be liked? These questions, and others, will help you in the search for your true self. And our club's counsellors will support you along the way.
