How do you «defuse» conflicts on social media? Here we will look at the situation where several vocal members of a group demand that the admins settle their quarrel. If you are a party to the conflict, what can you do? If you are the group admin, we will look at what is pointless to do, how to deal with members as a last resort, and we will touch a little on hating and trolling.
Below is a video with useful material:
- «Yeralash», the children's comedy newsreel that explains to school-age children how grown-ups behave
- A demonstration of how to take responsibility for your own nerves on your own, using Facebook's built-in features
- A wish of peace and harmony to everyone
What kinds of conflict are there?
Admins, does this demand sound familiar: «Choose! Either me or him/her?» In practice it takes the form of a public demand to:
- Condemn another group member outright
- Point out that their behaviour is wrong
- Issue a reprimand to «that scoundrel»
The reason and the evidence? As a rule these are screenshots in which one member called another an indecent name. But if you dig into the details, you will fairly quickly see that the offended party started the squabble with the offender himself, that is, he is a full and equal participant in this «nice intellectual slanging match»!
What is the catch here?
The catch for the admin is that any intervention in the conflict on the side of one of the participants turns the admin into the «enemy». Without exceptions and guaranteed. Why?
The reason is that everyone becomes a player in a psychological role game known as the «Karpman drama triangle».
That is, the moment the admin defends the «offended party», the roles mutate at once:
- The admin, whom the «offended victim» invited to become her Rescuer», mutates into the Aggressor who punishes the «offender»
- The «offender», the former Aggressor, mutates into the Victim of an evil admin, because his position was not taken into account, or not taken into account in full
- And the «offended party» becomes the Rescuer of justice, peace and harmony.
Of course, this swapping of roles will keep «bubbling» for several days. All in all, it will be fun, neurotic and eventful.
How do grown-ups behave in a conflict?
What the statement "He/she offended me" really amounts to was spelled out for school-age children back in the "Yeralash" newsreel.
Facebook took care of this long ago and gave users unique tools for putting conflicts out on their own. First of all, it is the sacred duty of every «Victim» to report to the administration through the built-in function. At the very least the group moderators will take note of the «disorder»; at most they will simply delete the «indecency».
Secondly, the problem is solved very easily if you «ban» the offender by going into his profile. See the picture below for how to do it.
The offender simply disappears from your life: he sees neither you nor your posts and comments, and he cannot reply to you. And the main thing is that it works both ways and it is simple:
What should the admin do?
Before charging in, it is also worth remembering here that it is not always both sides who are at fault. There are also trolls and haters, who are always at fault. How do you spot these characters?
Trolls: yappy, but useful
Trolls are those amusing little creatures that:
- pick the most socially visible members of the group as their "target", and often the admins
- start "nitpicking" at the target from every side, trying to find soft spots in it in order to get under its skin
- with the aim of asserting themselves or of making a bid for attention through others
For all the unpleasantness of dealing with them, trolls also bring benefits:
- they drive up traffic
- they voice topics that "law-abiding citizens" will not say out loud (that is, they give useful feedback)
- you can practise rhetoric and political correctness on them, and generally grow.
But dealing with trolls takes skill and emotional conditioning. So for an admin without training in psychology it is easier to ban trolls after a prior warning.
Haters - completely off their heads
Haters are an already clinically hopeless audience that erupts in curses at any member of the group. The main sign: the "curses" have no connection whatsoever with the topic under discussion. They are like the character from The Simpsons who shouts "Everything's crap! Everything's crap! Everything's crap"
The children have fallen out
Let us go back to the children's magazine "Yeralash". What did the teacher do there when two pupils started complaining about each other?
As you understand, if one of the participants has «banned» his «offender» himself, then there is no problem any more. What do you do if both «quarrellers» insist that you settle the dispute, and necessarily in favour of one of them? There is only one Solomonic solution:
As for why - it is easier to listen. After all, this is a practice confirmed by the actions of the heads of large corporations and of politicians alike
Peace and harmony to everyone in the virtual world!
