Where does the Inner Child and Inner Parent course lead?

The course helped and is still helping, of course! The most important discovery for me was conscious self-support. Before that I was supporting myself in entirely the wrong direction — more by forcing myself, along the patterns and scripts I already had. And time after time those led me into victim triangles and, as a result, into dependent relationships, in every area of life.

I have learned to listen to myself more consciously, to feel what I need in order to be "OK" = to have resource. And another thing that broke down here was the mental "little fence" that stopped me trusting myself in this. It turns out that nobody knows better than I do what I want and what matters to me. Amazing. And to be afraid of that means thinking and acting in the same old rut again, desperately proving what a good girl I am and what a Master of Sport I am at scripts #4 and 6 — "I'll freeze off my own ears just to spite the rest of you".

At the grieving stage — "why on earth didn't I know this before, so much could have been done differently" — I learned to accept my own pace (!) and my own "mistakes".

Supporting myself when I need it, and accepting myself with all my weaknesses — that is what having resource means for me. It is wonderful, I like it! Here I started noticing myself, and noticing how I am changing even outwardly. My expression, my movements, my intonation.

I also enjoyed drawing again. I had dropped it when I moved to Vienna — supposedly no time, supposedly never a moment. And in our group I got the initial support I had been missing, and I took it up again.

Drawing means giving yourself permission to make mistakes, accepting your drawings as they are (this really churned me up: all through primary school I used to copy out my homework from a rough draft until late at night, in beautiful handwriting and without a single mistake. Otherwise, who is going to praise your parents for bringing you up properly, if not the teachers at school?

And once the churning was over, it felt good.

Now, wonder of wonders, I no longer have piles of scraps of paper and loose sheets that I have to find time for, sit down and copy out neatly and in good order so that "my head isn't full of porridge".

Now I have a separate notebook for every class, and even if it is not always neat and tidy, I like it and it is far clearer to me than if it were "letter by letter", and it saves so much time — sheer delight!

Something else that dawned on me here was love and acceptance towards my parents — that they simply could not have done it any other way. And love towards myself — how good it is that I did something good for myself.

And drawing images in particular is really very therapeutic. I get out my sketchbook whenever I feel like doing a bit of self-analysis; I look back through it and remember what led to what.

I will also say that everything is a process — my studies in German and the knowledge I got on the course run in step with each other by topic. And it makes it easier for me to answer in seminars afterwards, because in Russian I have already worked this through for myself, I know what it is about, and it is easier to put German sentences together.

And my interest in reading in German has come back. Because in the beginning I was desperate to move so that I could read Freud in the original. And once I had moved, I got carried away with suffering again. And now I have remembered that it actually brings me joy!

As a consequence, my circle has changed too. The place left by half of my acquaintances, whose paths parted from mine, has been filled by the quality of my contact with the other half.

My priorities in relationships with men have changed, and so has the type of man I like. Here, by the way, I noticed something interesting too — at the sadness stage (both about the fact that most of the men I meet at the moment want something neurotic, and about the fact that I have become interesting to myself and no longer feel any emotional hunger, which means my circle of contacts and of possible partners is narrowing again) I realised that I will live through this loss, that it will not destroy me, and that what matters to me is a full relationship. And the moment I realised I was at the sadness stage, it became clear at once that I used to be in the position of a small child who cannot wait and wants everything at once. And now I am in the position of an adult who knows what she wants and is able to choose, and there is nothing to hurry for.

After that my boundaries became clear to me, and I learned to allow myself not to move them without real need. That, it turns out, also saves so much energy and time that life becomes fuller straight away.

The course definitely helped — first of all me personally, and secondly in my work with clients. As for me: in 90% of cases there is zero emotional reaction when other people try to get at me, manipulate me or hurt me. And if they do manage to “hook” me, I come back to a good state faster and without self-reproach of the “come on, you are a counsellor, aren't you” kind.

It helps me to analyse myself in the middle of a situation: if I catch the games and the script behaviour, and if free behaviour does not work, then at least I go for counterscript behaviour. I still catch myself in inner dialogues and remember my parents' phrases linked to injunctions; I am surprised, I become aware of it, and as a result I treat myself better. And out of that comes more confident behaviour, and then more successful transactions and better results from them. I think three times before I open my mouth and say something to my children or my grandson. I know what I still have to work on and how. I have understood for certain that the transformation does not end with the course, that you have to keep going and go over what you have covered, because new understanding comes and new layers open up.

After the course it would be good to organise something like a Distance programme to keep clients on the right track and to give explanations and repeat meditations

Hello! The easiest thing to "tell" is my relationship with my mother. Before the course I used to get irritated with her and then feel guilty, because it was not obvious why I was irritated. During the course I started getting irritated with less guilt (because in the very moments that irritated me the features of an uncaring parent came to light), and by the end of the course I was getting noticeably less irritated (I was actually at home for New Year and not once), because it somehow became easier to see my mother as OK.

I uncovered that my particular pattern is “I am not OK” or “the others are not OK”.

I have come to understand my brother better when he communicates (he tells everyone off, for him nothing is OK). And that makes it easier for me not to lose my temper too (when he belittles me, for example). I understand why he turned out that way and at least partly accept it. And yes, I do not get caught by his transactions, I answer from the position of the adult. I could give examples.

The fairy tales went well for me.

1. My relationships with my family have improved.

I remember the euphoria in the summer — the relationship with myself. But that is harder to keep track of.

I began to understand the motives behind their behaviour.

Yes.

2. I noticed that there is such a thing as a relationship with myself.

Yes. Although it is harder here. But I keep better track of which role I am in at all, and so I understand the situation better...

On the whole it is far easier to take care of myself without feeling guilty. And I have started doing it more regularly. Although I am still green at it.

I trust myself where I would not have trusted myself before — I mean, I make mistakes and take risks more boldly, I make decisions. — although here too there is still room to grow

I know better what I want and what I do not want. And I accept those of my wishes that are "unfashionable".

there were a lot of insights...

On the whole I feel calmer and more confident. (Although, who knows, maybe it is thanks to the fact that there is no school now. Or maybe I left school thanks to the course )))))?)

though the last one is hardly likely, of course.

What did this course give me? This course allowed me, already as a mature man, to go through separation from my mother, to become someone who can follow his own needs and say “No”. Inner separation from the mother allows men to look at a woman as an ordinary human being and, because of that, to build the equal relationships everyone talks about. When you stop being afraid of “losing the parental figure”, you start dealing on equal terms with your bosses at work, with your audience on social media and at events, and with your clients. So the course opens up your potential in your personal life, at work and in your own development.

First: I learned to separate one ego state from another, to feel it, to see it. To understand which position I am speaking from at any moment. To see and understand which position the other person is in.

In a stressful situation, to notice the "trigger point" and "switch on" my supportive Parent. Not always, of course, but in 8 cases out of 10.

The most important thing: when "bad thoughts" are going round in my head — "you will not manage it", "everything is awful", "why are you even doing this" — completely different messages suddenly start coming instead! "you are a good person, it will work out, you will manage, I will support you!"

I understand where those messages come from!

I learned to support my Inner Child — and my real children along with him!

I already say words of support to them automatically! Because I have them inside me!

I have come to understand my children's feelings and wishes better, their "hidden motives". For example, my little one says "Mummy, my leg hurts (when it does not really)", and I understand "he wants me to pick him up"; that understanding comes somehow all by itself, without any effort))

Professionally, I have learned to understand the client better, to see the parental messages that get in their way.

I very much want to run a training course on working with the Inner Child myself. Because it seems to me that this subject is a great source of resource for clients; it gives them a chance to learn to rely on themselves, to find sources for meeting their needs inside themselves; it opens up resource.

Before, when thoughts came along like how I would love someone to "hug me and give me love", that is, when I felt a lack of strokes and a need for them, it made me very sad. Now I immediately picture my Inner Child and give him everything he wants! By some marvel my feelings change; no self-pity and no resentment come up. I can give myself support, and that feels very good))

I have learned to admit "that I am not perfect" — that is a huge step too! I apologise if I am in the wrong! I forgive myself if I make a mistake!

I can admit that "yes, I cannot do everything and I do not know everything, that I was wrong, that I did something the wrong way, that I am an ORDINARY human being." I do not need to defend myself and prove that I am right about everything!

And I have come to see that other people can make mistakes too — that is normal! And from that comes a lighter attitude to my children's mistakes! Nothing "suddenly boils up" inside me at the sight of spilled milk or socks left lying about.

Another very important thing: I understand what kind of relationships I want to build with my children and with people; I have an understanding of that question. It used to be: this is what I do NOT want. Now it is: THIS is what I want. There is an image of it and a rational understanding of the points that matter to me))

Thanks to the course I have come to understand how I live! The rose-tinted glasses have come off. I have come to see what the consequences will be and where I may end up — these are very difficult moments, not simple at all. It was hard to accept and to live through; there was a moment when I simply wanted not to look, to hide!

That is where support from outside was important and needed, and it was there on the course.

I have learned to support myself and to ask others for support. That matters!

I got to grips with the Karpman drama triangle — it was presented very well on the course, plus books on transactional analysis. I have an understanding of that question. In my own life I now manage to step out of that game, 50/50 so far. But — and this matters — even when I do get drawn into the game, afterwards I do NOT tell myself off and do not feel strong guilt about what happened!! Because, first, I can give myself support, and second, I have started treating people as if they too are OK and can take care of their own Inner Children))

Self-confidence; my anxiety has almost gone; a wish to stand up for my rights, to take care of myself; the wish to save everybody, to chase people down and inflict good on them has gone. All in all, I have stopped giving a damn, and I like it.

A client I am working with on weight loss made my day today. I allowed her to eat anything she likes, whenever and however much she likes. She came in pleased and said she has started eating less and being more selective about what she eats. And I too have become more selective in whom I spend time with — and in what I eat as well.

The Inner Child course gave me a great deal. The first thing that comes to mind, and what impressed me most, is that I finally got out of a codependent relationship! And not only in my personal life, but at work with my boss as well. In my personal life I had been trying to get out of that relationship for 5 years, and at work for 7.5 years — I put up with it and waited for everything to change one day, or better still for someone to rescue me and change my life. And a very big realisation — that these games we play first and foremost with ourselves… First we drag ourselves into the swamp, and then we wonder why we cannot get out of it… I know that I only managed to get out of that codependence thanks to you, Aleksey. Because before that I had worked with other psychologists, read books, done coaching — but there was never such a strong result; that is, I became aware of a great deal before, but doing anything about it — that I could not. You are always so sensitive and understanding — even where I did not understand myself. You always not only hear and see but, most importantly, feel your client (at least that is how it was with me) — and that is why such a powerful, deep result comes out of it.

I am also very grateful for such serious and lengthy work on my childhood. Especially the situations with my father, which sat very deep and were very painful. With my mother too — I can already see the result, and I think it is not the final one. The foundation is very good, and I think the effect will continue and grow stronger with time — gradually.

Thanks to this course my life has finally started to change in a way it never did before. And I know how and in what direction to move on.

And one more thing that gives me confidence now is the fact that there is a person in my life who, in any difficult situation, can point me in the right direction and help me find a way out. And that person is you). Thank you so much for being there, and for what you do on your course and in your personal sessions))

Thank you very much! For me this course was a discovery of who I am, and it gave me answers on how to become myself after all. It gave me the system, the foundation on which I can rebuild the structure of my personality, come to love myself and become more whole and more harmonious in every area of life. And thanks to these changes it is now easy and quick to achieve anything you could wish for. Any exercises to do with behaviour are much easier to start doing, with hardly any resistance, and you come to them with more joy. Thank you for this practical, up-to-date and fundamental knowledge, which puts everything in its place!