At the women’s request we are carrying on with MEN’S MANIPULATIONS, now that we have worked through the female examples. At our last meeting we discussed three of them: reminding a woman of her age, and pressing on her perception of her social role as a woman. And manipulation No. 3 — pressing on EMOTIONALITY.
A reminder: we put the list together jointly, at our meetings and in the comments, in order to expose manipulations, replace them with agreements and BUILD A RELATIONSHIP.
Nobody has yet cancelled the idea that women are the more emotional sex. What is more, on “those days” they can be very emotional indeed. Something one can make use of, can’t one?
For instance, by pointing at her physiology one can devalue a woman or brush her aside. In short: seize the moment of a hormonal surge, strike there, provoke a sense of confusion or inadequacy — and walk away at once. Or “do her head in”. For example, by saying straight out:
“Is it your PMS?”
“You are too sensitive and you take everything far too emotionally. I will continue this conversation when you have calmed down”
“Now is not the time” — and off he goes to another room with a preoccupied look
This tactic has another name: “PASSIVE AGGRESSION”. The term was first used by the American physician William Menninger during the Second World War. He was describing his observations of anger expressed indirectly by soldiers. They did not voice the stress of combat openly; it came out as resentment, stubbornness, refusal to carry out orders, poor service in general. In short: SABOTAGE. A passive aggressor will not be rude, will not raise his voice, will not start a row himself and will avoid open confrontation. But afterwards a residue remains… A fairly mean little tactic…
These are not wartime days, but, as the song goes, “with you it is like being at war”.
Today, in the widespread NEUROTIC, CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS, the war for power between partners never stops. Barry and Janae Weinhold give the following examples of power struggles in their book “Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap”:
LABELLING
You call your partner’s behaviour childish, neurotic or co-dependent. This is a common way of clouding the very issues on which you feel unsure of yourself.
ESCAPE
It prevents any solution to the problem. You can leave the room, leave the house, simply refuse to talk, or threaten to walk out.
And once again — is this a purely male manipulation? Not at all: women have a tactic of their own, “the Achilles’ Heel”. Only the ending is different. A man will most likely “hit the sore spot” and withdraw. A woman, having found her partner’s weak spot, will hammer at it methodically and will not let herself be distracted from the task. Which does not change the fact that any manipulation ends badly for the man and for the woman alike.
So then, gentlemen — shall we build relationships differently?
