Everyone knows the Brothers Grimm tale of Snow White, the Disney cartoon “… and the Seven Dwarfs”, and many know the various 18+ readings of it. We, of course, know that the 18+ version is a tall tale. But the original — that is a hint.
And what is the lesson for good lads here? Which lesson exactly? This one: is it clever to start a personal relationship with your colleagues? Don't F...ck the Office! Let me explain at length why :)
What did Snow White do about the dwarfs?
Once upon a time there lived Snow White. A beauty she was. And she attracted men. Anyone who looked at her, anyone who spoke to her, anyone who simply walked past fell in love at once. Or rather, thought he had fallen in love, but that is not the point…
The point is that Snow White, willy-nilly, landed in an all-male team. One woman, and nothing but blokes around her. Or in a team where there are few women and many men. Can you sense the hint of real life in the tale, and that this is no fairy tale at all but a true story? Let me help you sense it. Suppose you are a woman and the only female student on a men's course. Or you are in the army, and there are men all around. Or you are at work, and it is men all around. Or you are a man, simply at work, and you have taken a liking to a female colleague. You just fancied her… In short, Snow White ended up with the seven dwarfs, they liked her, and she moved in with them. She would keep house, and the dwarfs would protect her from all sorts of dangers. Or simply pay her a wage.
But there is no arguing with physiology. Snow White wanted it, and the dwarfs wanted it too. Fairy tale or not, Snow White is a beautiful woman, and the dwarfs are men with muscles and hormones. So what is to be done? And note this — before Snow White turned up, the dwarfs had lived in peace, friendship and harmony.
What options does Snow White have? Several:
By the way, it was exactly this third choice that the Seven Knights offered the Dead Princess in Pushkin's “The Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights”. As we know, A.S. wrote it in 1833, 21 years after the Brothers Grimm — that is, he plagiarised it. So, do you remember what the eldest of the knights said?
“Look here, lady! You are on equal, brotherly terms with every one of us. We all like you. All seven of us would … you, but we mustn't. Deciding it ourselves — we haven't grown up enough for that. And we want you so badly. So you decide for us (that is, be our mummy), don't let us come to blows over it. Take one of us as your lover.”
the eldest of the seven knights
What did Snow White decide in the original Brothers Grimm version? What did the Dead Princess answer the knights? That's right — she put out for none of them.
That is, from outside the team. And that is a very wise decision, especially given that many, very many, plump for option three. That is, they start “fraternising in the ranks”, or an “office romance”. What happens in real life when Snow White chooses the third option?
A bit of statistics
In fact, Snow White is not alone. There are hundreds of millions of Snow Whites. They regularly land in a perfectly ordinary, natural, biological situation and, consciously (or unconsciously), they usually choose the third scenario: to put out for one of the dwarfs. And since there are millions of such cases, there are statistics on how they end.
The spell of passionate sex between Snow White and the dwarf lasts less than six months in 95% of cases. Only 2% of “office” dalliances grow into the love of a lifetime. And even among those few lucky ones, 42% change jobs in order to stay a couple.
And if you fail, which is what almost always happens, then after the all-but-guaranteed break-up THE ONE WHO GETS FIRED IS:
- the woman, if she is the “lackey” (lower in the hierarchy) — in 78% of cases
- the man, if he is the “lackey” — in 50% of cases
- the boss or the one senior in rank — in 33% of cases.
You are in luck if Snow White is a man, or the boss :) And no luck for the Snow White of the fairy tale, because the dwarfs will most likely throw her out. So, folks: whether you have found the love of your life at work or failed in that noble attempt, only one of you will stay in that job. So either way — BYE BYE, JOB!
A bit of psychology
Psychology, too, has been around for at least a hundred years, and here is what it has to say. If we look at the relationship between Snow White the girl and the dwarf the boy, there are six possible types of relationship between them. Namely:
- Business. Between Snow White and the dwarfs — a strictly mutually beneficial, contractual, mutually using arrangement. Snow White uses the dwarfs for protection and a roof over her head, the dwarfs use Snow White for cleanliness and order, and they have agreed on that with each other. No feelings, no emotions, no chemistry. Only obligations, and the keeping of them. “Nothing personal, it's just business” between strangers. Which is, in principle, what was going on when the characters first met.
- Party-scene. For example: “we're dancing, but keep your hands off my bum!”
- Romantic. For example: “You are my knight on a white horse! I shall not notice the missing armour”
- Lovers. “You're healthy, I'm a hell of an Apollo! Why waste time?!”. An experimental form of physical interaction based on a clear agreement ABOUT the absence of any obligations on top of the sex. And each partner selfishly uses the other to get pleasure.
- Spousehood — a voluntary union for closeness and admiration
- Family — an involuntary union with a hierarchical division of roles.
Now, some of these relationships complement each other nicely. And other combinations are so opposite that they are simply incompatible and DESTRUCTIVE. This is especially true of BUSINESS and LOVERS! Why? You would think sex and business have a great deal in common. Agreement lies at the root of both, and so does mutual use, and mutual satisfaction. And at the same time they are so far apart. business rests on agreements on top of sex; sex rests on the absence of agreements on top of sex. Business rests on complete impersonality; sexual relationships rest on closeness. And in time the business starts to override the personal emotions. And where sex becomes a commodity — it dies.
A bit of reality
When I was writing the first version of this article in October 2017, life itself spun the story on and showed the consequences. On 23 October the editor-in-chief of the Wiener Zeitung, Reinhard Göweil, was dismissed in Austria. To give you a sense of scale: we are talking about the equivalent of the newspaper Pravda in the USSR. Herr Göweil contacted a journalist at the paper on Facebook, offered her a step up in her career and, three messages later, invited her to have sex. The journalist thought about it and went to the public prosecutor. The editorial board acted fast and removed the editor. The journalist stayed :)
At the very same time, in Hollywood far, far away, the whole country was throwing stones at Harvey Weinstein. At the man who made Quentin Tarantino and produced the biggest box-office projects of the last 30 years, from The Lord of the Rings through The King's Speech, The English Patient, Chicago and Spy Kids to horror films like Scream and Scary Movie. Along the way he made passes at dozens of the highest-paid actresses. His career was over.
And the conclusion?
Draw the conclusion yourself! And just to muddle you, let me quote Mikhail Litvak, a psychologist with 40 years of practice who died in 2019. Well then, he recommends looking for a partner
Only at work. When you watch a person at work, you see what he has made of himself.
Mikhail Litvak
There is a chance of that. A whole two per cent! And if you were “out of luck” and landed in the other 98%, and on top of that got yourself into danger of being fired, then get in touch with us. We will help you solve the problem :)))
