The secret of family happiness? Yes, dear!

Women, would you like to know the secret of family happiness? The trainer and thoroughly entertaining bloke Timur Gagin has a simple recipe. Manipulative, of course. But ladies, manipulation works even when you know all about it :) The recipe is called…

First the video and Timur's transcript, then what the women say, and the author's answer at the end.

Over to Timur Gagin ⬇

Family happiness does not depend on men in the slightest. A man has practically no influence on a woman. If the woman wants it, both of them will have family happiness. If she doesn't, the man can knock himself flat and there will be no family happiness whatsoever. The secret of family happiness depends on the woman, and this is what it consists of: for many years I counselled married couples, ran courses in family studies and in family therapy, tried it this way and that, and then I discovered that one and the same thing always works. All my consultations came down to explaining just this: the secret of family happiness consists of two incantations, in exactly this order, in exactly these words: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”.

As soon as the woman grasps this, everything in the family comes right for the man and, naturally, for the woman too. If the woman remembers the secret of family happiness, she simply says: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”. That does not mean she is then going to do it; the man has already heard what he wanted, the main thing is already his. After that the man will follow such a woman about of his own accord, without understanding what draws him there. It is all quite simple: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”. On the men who know about this it works exactly as it does on those who don't. The man will live here, bring everything into this house, raise these children, whitewash the plaster, just to hear a few times a day: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”.

That is what a man really starts a family for. That is what he wants to hear all his life, what he waits and hopes to hear, sometimes for years: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”. That's all, nothing else is needed.

Let me give an example. I had an absolutely splendid episode. Meshchera. Three metres from me, the tent of a married couple who kept quarrelling there and stopped me sleeping. Cautiously, through third parties, I planted the idea that they could come to me for a consultation, should anything be the matter, because it was already getting rather loud. And then one evening we are walking down to the river bank to do our consulting, they start rowing — a young couple, after all… We begin the course of therapy: “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, my love”. The young man had barely heard the phrase before his face spread into a blissful smile and he began to nod. The girl put up a bit of a performance for a while: what about pride, and this, and that… “What is it you want — your pride, or him doing what you tell him?” And at this point the lad was nodding away vigorously as well. In the end the two of us talked her round, and she decided to give it a try: “Yes, dear, whatever you say, my love”. Ten minutes of rehearsal. Then off they went arm in arm — the sweetest couple, relations good. That night they kept me from sleeping again, but by a different method…

Over to our women readers Ꙭ

We discussed this subject at length in the Facebook group “Freud's Legacy” (https://www.facebook.com/groups/mozgopravi). Here are some of the women's remarks :)))

Over to the author ☎

In my view, the phrase “Yes, dear! Whatever you say, my love!” is a long way from spinelessness, stupidity and cloying sweetness. The convenient, obedient woman is beautifully shown in a scene from the film “Coming to America”, as is the reaction of the main character played by Eddie Murphy. Namely: “not attracted!”

In my view, the phrase “Yes, dear! Whatever you say, my love!” is a long way from spinelessness, stupidity and cloying sweetness. The convenient, obedient woman is beautifully shown in a scene from the film “Coming to America”, as is the reaction of the main character played by Eddie Murphy. Namely: “not attracted!”

What is at stake here is precisely cunning, and manipulation that takes the man's interests into account. And then it is no longer manipulation but actualisation! Do women take account of their tone (a sardonic and mocking one, quite possibly) and of their own frame of mind (a lack of trust in themselves and in their man, and the conviction that “I am cleverer anyway”)? As for the men who are attracted to bitches, that is a separate, neurotic conversation, worth an article of its own. After all, according to Dahl's dictionary a STERVA is not only a shrewish woman but first and foremost the carcass of an animal that has died.

As a man, I like it when a woman, in order to settle URGENT MATTERS (make up quickly, get the lock fixed right now, prod me into getting my backside off the sofa), gives me a nice hug or says “Yes, dear! Whatever you say, my love!”. It is undoubtedly manipulation — and what a pleasant one! It will work. For a couple of hours, or a couple of days. And what then? The conflicts haven't gone anywhere!

And it is true that for a long-term relationship this phrase is only a minor trick, and stability in a couple cannot be secured with it. Once you start going through all the kinds of conflicts (in ascending order of difficulty) and how to resolve them, the subject is only just beginning. The hardest one: "betrayal" from the point of view of one of the partners. The most everyday one: how to react when one of the partners has taken offence.

And if you are planning for a "five-year stretch" or longer, then you are better off finding a partner who suits you in the compatibility-based Dating Club — and checking their neurotic side into the bargain ????