Long ago, when we were only just beginning to study personality types and the relationships between them, we asked ourselves what certain theoretically compatible personality types could actually give each other. Two explosive types who at first glance could never get along, for instance, may have far more in common than one would imagine. For some reason this brought Rita and Lyolik to mind. They were exactly that case where something unbelievable, from an ordinary person's point of view, happened — a union of ice and flame — ...and yet something perfectly explicable if you understand psychology.
Background: The stories are published from the feedback we received and with our clients’ consent. The names have been deliberately changed. At the end you will find a counsellor’s commentary analysing the relationship.
Skip to the counsellor’s commentaryLyolik genuinely had no idea what his parents had been thinking with when they gave him the name Lavrenty; everybody else, however, knew perfectly well what Lyolik himself usually did his thinking with. Everything about him was that of an ecstatic, tail-wagging puppy with springs instead of paws, who welcomed absolutely any suggestion with delight, dashed out in front, urged the others on so that they would not fall behind and miss the great spectacle — namely him trying the thing out on himself — and then threw himself headfirst into the whirlpool of new emotions. He was a bright, forever-young lad with close-cropped, naturally flaxen hair, piercings in his ears and his tongue, utterly spectacular accents in his clothes — a Hogwarts scarf combined with Tyrolean leather shorts and fashionably red trainers — and any number of stories about his romantic adventures. His arrival in company never went unnoticed: he shouted, banged the table, fell off his chair and all but smashed plates over his own head.
More than anything I wanted to stick a bus sign on him: "Swings out 1 metre either side", because everything within that blast radius was practically doomed. Lyolik himself, by some miracle, came out of it unscathed every time — and a heroic saga, or a song to be sung to the guitar, would be composed about it on the spot.
That eternal youth and fountain of life would probably have gone on bubbling away had Rita not been swept into our circle. Rita used to hang out with us more often, but lately she had taken up other things, thrown herself into building a career and changed her look — and, just in case, her circle of friends as well. She was now a stylish dark-haired woman in fashionable outfits and expensive shoes, with impeccable hair. At the sight of her only one word came to mind: magnificent. Rita knew exactly what she wanted from life and was not shy about taking it by any means available. The gaze of a lioness, the knack of telling everyone — bluntly but very clearly — where their place was, a sense of her own superiority and the ability to savour every moment raised her above us mere mortals.
People sometimes say of women like her that she will "swallow you whole and not even choke". So when Lyolik, catching sight of Rita, said "Mummy!" in a deep bass, clutched at his heart and began staring at her in admiration, some of us told him in all seriousness that she was out of his league and the whole thing was hopeless anyway. But when had common sense ever stopped him?
At first Rita treated Lyolik as some pestering little bug she could not be bothered to soil her hands on. But Lyolik was not used to being ignored. He brought the full force of his charm, all his humour and all his push down upon Rita. He showered her with compliments, he laughed, he admired, he marvelled, he chattered without stopping. He worked himself up more and more, trying to melt that ice; he beat his forehead against the bulletproof glass, and the first small cracks began to show in it. Rita grew uneasy. She was not used to such shameless pressure. But Lyolik would not have been Lyolik if he had not made a piece of theatre out of this too.
- Margarita, divine one, diva, femme fatale!!! — Lyolik howled.
- Have you lost your mind, puppy! — Rita stated laconically.
- Well, it is all out of love! — Lavrenty parried, unruffled, and pressed his attack at once: — I have never seen such a magnificent woman! I am ready to kiss the ground you have walked on and the chair you have sat on! I shall never be able to love anyone else! How am I supposed to live now?! How can anyone live at all, knowing that the woman he loves does not take him seriously???
- Bloody poser! — grumbled Rita, though with rather less irritation now.
- What, what do I have to do, tell me! How can I prove to you that I mean it?! — Lyolik demanded grandly, sincerely believing every word he said.
In the end Rita had had enough. Snatching up her bag and her coat, she made for the waiter to pay her bill. Lyolik shot after her and, with an elegant gesture, stopped her from taking her purse out of her bag.
— I cannot allow such a magnificent woman to pay for herself in my presence! I am paying!
And he did pay, in front of all the astonished onlookers. And then he tore off after Rita, who had used the moment to slip away. And we were left sitting there with our jaws hanging open, digesting what we had seen.
What Rita and Lyolik had in common was their sheer determination. Neither of them could stand being refused, and both were ready to go all the way. And then to do it again, and again. Sooner or later Lyolik's persistence was appreciated after all. Not the first time, nor the second, nor the third. At first with mistrust, ready to shoot to kill. Then with a triumph she carefully hid even from herself.
Rita was around too rarely to know about Lyolik's romantic adventures. Lyolik knew Rita far too little to survive if he did something wrong. But... in the end none of that mattered.
The unthinkable happened: they somehow managed to find a common language. Before our very eyes Lyolik grew up and turned into a confident, purposeful Lavrenty who knew what he wanted from life and walked proudly arm in arm with Margarita, no longer bothering with Hogwarts scarves (the red trainers survived — that at least is something). Rita, for her part, became noticeably softer and more feminine, because that is exactly how her beloved Lavrenty saw her. It was a bond that many people could not make sense of, but it held — at least until they stopped coming to our gatherings altogether.
Rita was around too rarely to know about Lyolik's romantic adventures. Lyolik knew Rita far too little to survive if he did something wrong. But... in the end none of that mattered.
The unthinkable happened: they somehow managed to find a common language. Before our very eyes Lyolik grew up and turned into a confident, purposeful Lavrenty who knew what he wanted from life and walked proudly arm in arm with Margarita, no longer bothering with Hogwarts scarves (the red trainers survived — that at least is something). Rita, for her part, became noticeably softer and more feminine, because that is exactly how her beloved Lavrenty saw her. It was a bond that many people could not make sense of, but it held — at least until they stopped coming to our gatherings altogether.
Someone said that Lavrenty had finally settled on a proper job and was rising fast inside some large corporation. He presented products at launches and put on real shows, which this time brought him a very decent income. Rita kept pace, reaching new heights in her own field and melting with pleasure whenever she had the chance to hang femininely on his arm at yet another company party.
Counsellor’s commentary
Rita's personality type is psychopathic. These are people who emphasise their right to be by every means available. They enjoy life in all its manifestations, and at the same time an urge to control and to dominate shows through in everything they do. They make fairly high demands on themselves, and exactly the same demands on the people around them. They are very capable and move up the career ladder with ease. Women of this type often have difficulties with their identity as women.
Lyolik is the hysteroid personality type. He is one of those bright, colourful people who draw attention to themselves. Because his inner need is to have his fill of attention. That is precisely why Lyolik charges the people around him with life and emotion — what he needs so badly is the feedback from the "universe he has created". His whole life is a performance, a one-man theatre, and the genre matters far less than the audience.
This is exactly where Rita's qualities come into their own: the determination, the focus and a certain mentoring streak that go with her personality type. She directs and adjusts Lyolik's performance so that he reaches his maximum, while supplying him with her own attention and in effect "creating" him. In return she gets variety from him, an emotional colouring of her reality and a richer store of impressions of life. Beside him, the life that already gushes out of Rita takes on new tastes and shades. On top of that, Lyolik has a highly developed femininity and emotionality, and the fact that these are precisely the qualities he projects onto Rita allows her to feel more feminine and more beautiful without giving up her characteristic drive and without having to step on her own throat.
This is a partnership marriage of the male type. Both partners will build careers and will always be actively realising themselves in society, and they will have to learn to compromise and to come to terms with each other in order to keep the relationship. Beyond that, it is a decidedly emotional union, in which noisy quarrels give way to passionate reconciliations, after which their partnership only grows stronger. And so it will go on until... But let us not talk about that just yet. That is exactly what the "Dating by Freud" club for serious relationships is there for. So that there is no "until..."
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