The depressive personality type very much likes receiving love and approval. The need for praise rests on the violated right “I am not good enough”, and they need constant proof of the opposite. And at the same time, the more love is poured over a depressive, the more they physically shrink, with a sense of being crushed by that love: “Am I worthy of it?” And although approval and praise feel good, they start to wriggle out of them:
“Oh, please! Come off it!”
On the other hand, praise is a permanent focus of attention. Russia is practically the only country in the world where much of the press keeps discussing how other countries love us, or whether they love us at all. Pick up the press of any other country and the subject will hardly be there at all. We must be approved of and loved. If we are not approved of and not loved, we become very angry.
They take little care of themselves, because their main problem has to do with their own desires. But depressives have found a cunning route to their desires, and that is where hyper-caring comes from. Say they fancy some tasty rissoles. But “I do not need that for myself.” And it would be awkward, somehow. Feeding this hungry crowd, though — that is another matter, I will fry those rissoles up for them. And then come the wonderful songs: “Eat up! What, you do not like it?”
And afterwards you can finally keep half a rissole for yourself, half cold by then. That is how they fulfil their own desire through others. “I give other people what I want myself.” And from the same place comes the phrase
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
That is, quite literally: instead of fulfilling your own desire, you fulfil your desire for another person, even if they never asked for it. And then there is a slim chance that something will come your way too. Life not for joy, then, but for being fed.
And that, by the way, is how you get people who take pleasure in dependence. They are simply thrilled to be dependent on other people. There are many reasons for it: others will give approval; caring for others is a way of satisfying your own desires; and from others you can receive forgiveness (once you have done them a bad turn, of course, so that there is something to forgive).
To sum up, a depressive personality will take enormous pleasure in:
- Inner suffering, torment, hardship overcome — all of it noticed and appreciated by those around them.
- Other people's recognition of their “sainthood”.
- Memories and daydreams of rare moments of distant, unattainable happiness and of a bright future (“if not me, then at least the children will live a normal, happy, secure life”).
- Children and caring for them, giving them everything.
- Punishment for “bad behaviour”
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