The question of “how to live without working” was a favourite topic in the “viper's nest” — the all-female audit department, aptly nicknamed that by the lads from the department next door. Meanwhile every woman taking part in these discussions was busily working overtime, dreaming of a prince on a white Tesla who would rescue her and free her from the yoke of labour. There were, of course, some among them who rather enjoyed such a schedule.
Background: The stories are published from the feedback we received and with our clients’ consent. The names have been deliberately changed. At the end you will find a counsellor’s commentary analysing the relationship.
Skip to the counsellor’s commentaryBut Vita understood that this hopelessness was bringing her close to panic attacks. So when she noticed that a genuine white Tesla parked in front of their building every day, and that a young and clearly single man got out of it each time, she decided for once not to waste any time.
Generally speaking, Vita did not like getting such campaigns going. You never know whether the game is worth the candle and where it will all lead. But the sheer hopelessness of existence played its fateful part, and Vita deliberately committed “yet another stupid act” from her “collection of stupid acts”, tracking down the owner of the Tesla in the works canteen.
The conversation clicked almost at once. The young man answered her questions willingly and was glad to engage; the light, easy talk turned out to be extremely pleasant and informative, while his astonishing charisma and energy inspired Vita to go further. Before long, astounded at her own cheek, she had all but made him ask her out, and then vanished mysteriously into the depths of the neighbouring building.
- “Vitochka, why didn't you come and sit at our table?...” Sima asked sweetly.
- “She was having lunch with a very impressive young man,” yawned the ever-present Katerina.
- “A young man?!” The whole “viper's nest” perked up.
- “Oh, of course!” Vita waved it away. “Surely you don't think a prince on a white Tesla is going to drive in through the window all by himself? Sometimes a girl has to get moving herself!”
Everyone laughed and gradually went back to the usual buzz about Teslas, princes and how to live without working. And Vita thought once again that the habit she had picked up from a friend — telling the truth straight out, and in such a way that nobody believes you — was the most brilliant discovery of all time.
The date was set for Friday at the Hard Rock, which was popular back then. It was loud, but Denis liked being in the thick of things, feeling the pulse of life. He never turned down a party, though sometimes it seemed to him that most of the people there were some sort of frantic robots rather than human beings. This time he was genuinely curious about what would come of the date. Denis was far more used to infantile girls who looked ingratiatingly into his eyes and shook their deep necklines at him. Vita was different, and the fact that she had told him straight out that they should go out together, and had even invited him here, was incredibly winning. And the date lived up to expectations. Vita really was fundamentally unlike the crowds of ordinary freebie-hunters chasing after him: clever, wise and level-headed, and genuinely mysterious on top of that. He simply could not work her out or file her under any heading, and his attempts to push through or to take her by storm somehow mysteriously failed. There was no rudeness or swagger about it, but somehow it turned out that he was attacking in one place while Vita was already in another, merely watching his attempts with amusement.
Vita, to tell the truth, had long since decided that she had got herself into yet another idiotic escapade, and was going forward more out of fear of stopping than for any other reason. She looked at Denis and asked herself why she needed this, what she had got herself into, that she had to find some way out of it. And it was probably these attempts to slip away that switched Denis into “hunter mode”, in which he was now not about to let her go anywhere at all. So a second date was arranged after the first, and then a third, and each time Vita was collected and driven there in the gleaming white Tesla.
Passion was at boiling point. At the sight of each other they both seemed transformed. Vita did not recognise herself: she was “carried away”, provoking Denis, flirting brazenly and stoking the passion. Denis joined the game instantly, and the very air between them seemed to spark. And in the intervals between such flashes Vita managed, in a businesslike way, to teach Denis how to live. Categorically, self-assuredly, allowing no appeal, so much so that Denis sometimes exploded with genuine indignation. Vita reacted imperturbably, and in the end, in some unimaginable way, turned out to be right, bringing Denis's life into an order he could not have imagined, since he thought there was order already. And the next moment it seemed she had no need of him whatsoever, and a feeling of some kind of vacuum was already prompting him to act. Vita had firmly entered his life and his daily routine, becoming, strangely enough, someone irreplaceable. With her it was sometimes impossible, but without her it was worse still. Denis never asked for help and never asked for advice, but he came to value Vita's advice enormously. All the more so as every piece of it, by some miracle, really did improve his life. He began to notice that beside her he was less aggressive and kinder, although Vita, like nobody else, knew how to do his head in.
In the “viper's nest” it was noticed at once that Vita had acquired a suitor. His expensive presents were noticed too — the clearly costly diamond on a thin, barely visible chain in the hollow of their colleague's collarbone, or the new designer handbag. Questions about who exactly the suitor was hung in the air, but Vita managed to do nothing but smile mysteriously and keep quiet. She had her own prince on a white Tesla, and she had no plans to share him with anybody. How many stories there are on the internet about ladies who decided to show off their suitors and ended up having them carried off by less boastful “friends”! No, Vita was cleverer than that, and felt no need at all to boast. Besides, the New Year office party was about to be announced, and everything would fall into place there anyway.
And it did. Vita's triumphant appearance arm in arm with Denis Alexandrovich was a sensation. Everybody talked about the couple, and everybody followed them with their eyes. Some admiring, some envious.
Before long Vita went on maternity leave, then on a second one, and never returned to work. The arrangement suited both her and Denis more than well, at least at first. When the children grew older, Vita felt a kind of hopelessness again; being constantly within four walls began to wear her down, to oppress her. Before Denis she had travelled a great deal, but now the domestic routine seemed hardly better than the office one, and the gilded cage pressed on her chest. The sense that the whole future was planned out, the endless running to early-development classes, schools, after-school clubs, visits and gyms brought the panic attacks back... Vita looked with horror at everything she had striven for so stubbornly and achieved.
Denis did not understand what was happening to his wife. But, following a friend's advice, he tried leaving the children with their grandmothers and taking her away on holiday. And Vita revived and blossomed again. And then she threw herself once more into helping him with work, allocating resources and tasks. And she allocated them in such a way that Denis, too, had more time for the children. Her strange approach of not doing what others could do and of pursuing only those goals that were worth it put his working schedule in order again, and once more he wondered in astonishment why he had not done it before. And Vita reflected that living without working was certainly possible, but whether it was worth it was another question. Better to work, but in moderation. And most importantly, to change your surroundings more often.
Counsellor’s commentary
Vita is a representative of the frustration personality type in the S-Theory. The basis of her personality is an inner prohibition on a quick, sudden, unconsidered start and on completing, achieving; she will keep putting the brakes on. She has a need for unhurriedness, for thinking all her actions through, since it is better not to do something important than to do it, better not to say something than to say it; and she has an aversion to formality, pomposity, excessive strictness and seriousness. She does not trust logic, she comes to know things through personal experience and she has difficulty accepting the negative results of her own actions and responsibility for her own decisions. It is typical of her to let deadlines slip, to fulfil agreements and arrangements late or not at all. At the same time, one of the fears of people like Vita is that everything will last for ever, and it is precisely out of this fear of endless hopelessness that she takes more than active steps to secure Denis.
Denis is a psychopathic personality type in the S-Theory. He is the embodiment of most of the clichés and stereotypes about a “real man”: strong, successful, domineering and blunt. He is used to taking everything from life and to keeping himself, those close to him and anyone else who comes to hand under control. With him you are safe as houses; you can let your femininity unfold to the full and give no thought to tomorrow. That is exactly what Vita had been striving for, but endless routine of any kind, even fully provided for, wears her down.
Their relationship is passion. Frustration-type women are the least inclined of all to see a man as a resource — with one single exception. When they meet a psychopathic man. Then the wish to own him as a resource becomes even stronger than in anybody else. They see an enormous power being spent pointlessly and with nobody in charge of it. Her wish to possess him is the basis of the passion boiling between them. The wish to possess automatically strips the other of his personality picture. He too is inclined to behave that way — to take, to possess — and here someone is behaving like that towards him. So he goes into a state of bewilderment, and it takes him by surprise.
The initiator of the relationship is she. She attacks and captures the resource, and she can do it elegantly. At some point he realises what has happened, but there is no playing it back: she already lives here. This often happens rather quickly: since he is dynamic, he has to be caught in time.
At the start of the affair she creates a sense of her own indispensability — a systematic capture of territory takes place. Psychopathic types are not sensitive to boundaries at all, so the capture goes unnoticed by him. All of this happens against a background of passion. He begins to feel his own significance, his own greatness. She can allow him to be in charge. She understands what accepting male dominance means: it is recognition of a man's strength and independence, not playing mummy to him, letting him take the lead in deciding certain questions. And that wins him over.
He is materially minded and rational, and he notices that the relationship has a positive effect on his business, on his work, on his results. He starts asking her advice, which in principle he had never allowed himself before. He actively develops his own sensual side. In relationships like this, psychopathic men often become positive, cheerful blokes.
He feels her strength, but understands that her strength is not physical, and so he begins to respect her. And in her, the wish to manage a resource is satisfied, and emotional contact matters to her.
