A change of priorities. Dating story no. 17

All the stories are published with the clients’ consent and are based on their own feedback. The names have been changed.

Ilona and Zhenya would probably never have met if it had not been for our club. Everything about them that could possibly differ, differed.

Ilona was a beautiful, striking, spirited, ambitious woman who loved travelling the world, dressing beautifully and making an impression. She had already been married once, had lived through an equally beautiful and spectacular divorce, and had sworn to herself to take everything from life. A one-of-a-kind star in her own circle. Just as lovely, just as cold, just as distant and just as lonely, because none of her admirers came anywhere near her level. She was what is called a self-made person: her own image, her own style, an example to be admired (since imitating her was simply impossible), her own priorities — travel, adventure, career. And in the image she had created there was simply no room for a man, though a man ought to have been in it.

Zhenya, by contrast, was rather grey and unremarkable. A classic geek with pockets stuffed full of things kept just in case, permanently short of sleep, cautious and distrustful of his own emotions, planning everything in advance and catastrophically short of time for himself, because for other people he had to do this, and that, and one more twist on top. In different, more stylish clothes, with a different haircut and without the three-day stubble, with his back straightened and after a week or two at the gym, Zhenya would probably have become a sex symbol, but neither dressing well nor getting a haircut nor working on his abs featured in his immediate plans. His plans were to resign from his post as a computer studies teacher in the senior classes, win a couple of million euros in the lottery and enter a monastery. Then again, if a suitable, “correct” girl had turned up who met all his requests, requirements and expectations, and with whom he could feel a true union of souls, the monastery might have been avoided.

People with a character like Ilona’s find it very easy indeed to say “no” to anything that does not suit them. Ilona’s first “no” came when she heard the description of the personality type that suited her. The second “no” followed the description of Zhenya himself. The third “no” concerned our assurances that someone exactly like Zhenya was the most harmonious match for her. The fourth “no”, on the other hand, concerned the suggestion that she forget about Zhenya and wait for the next candidate with the same personality type. The moment we gave up, Ilona decided to take a look at what we were offering her after all.

People with Zhenya’s character, by contrast, often find it impossible to refuse anything. This is because they strive to be correct, to earn approval and to act as one ought rather than as they please. Zhenya meekly said “yes” to the fact that Ilona did not meet his requirements for a bride at all, and to the fact that she was his ideal match, and to the fact that she doubted they could be together. And then he modestly rationalized it all along the lines that one should be open to everything and that refusing straight away would be wrong.

On their first date they looked each other over in surprise, not quite understanding why they were supposed to be such a good match. Even though they chatted away enthusiastically for a full three hours, Zhenya considered Ilona too shallow and too pleased with herself, and Ilona considered Zhenya too tedious a fanatic. Zhenya nevertheless invited Ilona on a second date — saying no to “a pointless waste of time” was another thing he could never do. Ilona agreed mostly so as not to upset him: it seemed to her that if she refused, he would burst into tears. After the second date they both decided once again that nothing would come of it... And arranged a third one.

Ilona told herself that none of this was serious, that it never would be serious, and that she simply did not want to upset Zhenya. Zhenya told himself that Ilona was a good person, and that breaking off contact with a good person for no reason was not good, not correct. Neither of them particularly noticed how they were gradually growing warmer and warmer towards each other, how the friendship, the trust and the sense of safety were growing stronger. Before long they could no longer imagine life without regular calls and messages, though they were still sure that things would go no further than friendship. Ilona supported Zhenya while he was making up his mind to leave the school and renovating the flat he had inherited from his grandfather. Zhenya admired Ilona’s stories about her trips and her achievements. And it was he who calmed and supported her when everything at her work went to pieces: the bosses had fallen out and started dividing up the staff, not shy about their methods — threats, intrigues, manipulation. Nobody knew how it would end or which of the two factions would win, and the risk of losing their jobs hung over everyone. Ilona was on edge, throwing hysterics and flinging herself into furious activity, grabbing at a dozen things at once, while at the same time thinking of leaving town if she was going to lose her flat anyway.

“Why not move in with me,” Zhenya suggested. “At least you will save up some money for the move while you are not paying rent.”

Ilona stared at Zhenya in surprise. He had always been reliable and safe. She had already noticed that after talking to him she always calmed down and all her career ambitions receded into the background. Now his offer even made her feel somehow warmer. She felt with piercing clarity that all of a sudden she was no longer alone in this world and could allow herself to relax for a while. It was a completely unfamiliar feeling, and a wildly pleasant one. She simply could not turn something like that down, because then that damned loneliness would come back, along with the need to do everything herself, and she so wanted reliability and someone covering her back. After all, Zhenya was right, it was only until she had saved up some money, it was temporary...

There is a good reason for the saying that nothing is as permanent as the temporary. The moment Ilona finally saw a man in Zhenya, she wanted more, and gradually everything wound itself up so that there was no longer any point in moving out. Ilona successfully changed jobs, got her income in order and could in theory have gone back to her “normal” life, but alas, that life was no longer her priority. She suddenly wanted a family, comfort and children, and not in the way she had before: abstractly and in passing. Looking at Zhenya, Ilona’s fantasy of a family took on a fairly concrete shape, and a very achievable one at that.

Zhenya, unlike Ilona, had always seen a woman in her and admired her, and in time he came to see a good friend in her as well; he felt that very trust and union of souls without which he could not imagine a relationship at all. Step by step he learned to understand Ilona, and she no longer seemed to him so shallow and affected. He still disagreed with many of her views, but gradually he learned to accept them and not to fume about them alone in his study. And at some point he plucked up the courage to propose.

Zhenya feared proposals like fire. In his not-so-short life he had lived through plenty of rejections without ever proposing marriage: few modern girls were prepared to wait until he “ripened” and made up his mind. The girls expected unthinkable things of him: kisses after the first date, sex after the third. The fact that he courted them beautifully, took them to hugely expensive restaurants, showed them his (and possibly their future) flat, dropped everything to help at any hour of the day or night, was eager to meet their parents and performed other flourishes as outdated as Don Quixote was, for some reason, not accepted by them as proof of serious intentions. So after every new girl who had not waited for him or had not considered him worthy, Zhenya withdrew into himself a little more... Until he became friends with Ilona. And now, when he understood her, when he had begun to value her sincerely and had realised that the fear of losing her was stronger than the fear of being turned down by her, he made up his mind.

The proposal was carefully planned: from the clothes and the restaurant to the timing and the accompanying speech. Zhenya had even prepared a speech in case of refusal, as well as the entertainment he would use to distract Ilona so that she would not dwell too much on his failed proposal. He had even arranged whose place he could stay at in that case, so as not to embarrass her with his presence and so that he could cope with his own feelings and not do anything rash. And so, at the crucial moment, when the Gypsy musicians with a violin and an accordion, booked on his brother’s advice, came over to them, Zhenya went down on one knee and, stammering shamefully but holding himself back from running away by a superhuman effort of will, asked her to marry him. The whole restaurant watched with admiration a scene so outdated and seemingly impossible in our crazy, practical times. Ilona, who had long been secretly waiting for this moment, said her own rare “yes” with the greatest pleasure, and Zhenya realised with horror that for all his detailed planning of what to do in case of refusal, he had given absolutely no thought to what to do next if she said yes.

It was Zhenya who initiated the feedback call: after all, they had promised to report how things were developing, and that was the more correct thing to do. Ilona laughed as she recalled how she had not taken to Zhenya at all at the start, while Zhenya twitched with delight, making sure his pregnant wife wanted for nothing. At times this caring looked exaggerated, but Ilona was happy. Her priorities had somehow imperceptibly shifted from promoting herself alone to promoting her ideal family. Her only complaint was that Zhenya was slightly lacking in initiative, that he did not elbow his colleagues aside to charge up the career ladder. But on the other hand, the fact that Zhenya was ready to do anything for her, that the home and the household rested on him while she could do whatever she wanted and travel wherever she wanted, suited her perfectly well.