There are 14 different ways to frame any statement you make. Each of them guides your listener's attention in its own way. The sleight of mouth pattern INTENTION shifts the attention — yours and theirs — to the possible intention or need of the person you are talking to.
When we talk to someone who is in pain or in trouble and who is entirely preoccupied with outside circumstances, as if they were "to blame" for how they feel, it is important to be able to turn that person's attention inwards, back to themselves.
This is the very first and the very simplest thing you can do — and are well advised to do.
It is also called a you-message.
It is recommended when you want a child, for instance, to open up and start talking about what is troubling them.
The adult, as it were, "guesses", and the child either agrees or offers their own version of how they feel. That is how a painful experience is put into words, becomes conscious, and — as a result — eases.
With adults it works the same way.
It is important to help a person see and hear themselves: their insides, their intentions, their motives.
I have put together a selection for you — the ways a sentence in the INTENTION pattern can begin.
We move the focus of attention to the presumed intention of the person we are talking to.
You want
You like
You are interested in
You love
You hate
You admire
You avoid
You strive for
You think about
You reflect on
You care about
You are afraid of You miss
You intend to You are glad about You are upset by
You are attached to
You find it revolting when You enjoy it when You are saddened by
You are angry at
You are waiting for
You know a great deal about
You are an expert in
You have fun by
You attract You are promoting
You are deceiving
You are sure that You are looking for
You doubt You dream of
You advocate You are defending You stand up for
You are celebrating the fact that You bear witness to You do not like You believe that You interpret this as You claim You boast about
A gesture forward, palm up.
If the person you are talking to is weighing you down with complaints or with blame — aimed at someone else or even at you — moving their focus onto themselves, onto their intentions and their needs, will most likely change the course of your conversation, and it may well turn constructive instead of a stream of consciousness and aimless statements that go nowhere.
May your relationships be harmonious and your communication effective!
