What the narcissistic type should strengthen
This is not a list of flaws — the strengths of the type are already there. What follows is what it usually lacks, and what can be built up with practice.
In short: telling closeness from independence · “I may not be liked by someone” · not charming everyone · empathy, active listening · accepting that care comes in different forms · the world does not need remaking · conversation is more than charm, friendship is not an arena
Telling closeness from independence. The two are often confused: closeness starts to look like dependence on someone else's approval. In fact closeness is built on sincerity, and independence on the ability to stay yourself without losing your bond with people.
“I may not be liked by someone.” The full formula from the book: “someone may not like me, and that does not make me any worse.” Accepting that not everyone will approve lowers anxiety and eases the emotional dependence on other people's opinion.
Not charming everyone. Stop treating every encounter as an occasion to demonstrate how exceptional you are. The attention this frees up goes into genuine conversation, which needs no confirmation of your own worth.
Empathy, active listening. Noticing other people's feelings and needs — not in order to please them, but in order to see them at all. Concrete practices of attentiveness and active listening help here.
Accepting that care comes in different forms. Kindness, care and love look different in different people. Letting go of an idealised image of “the right relationship” brings flexibility and the capacity to accept.
The world does not need remaking. “The world is beautiful as it is; you do not have to remake it.” The pursuit of an ideal turns into permanent discontent, whereas being able to find beauty in the everyday opens the way to satisfaction.
Conversation is more than charm, friendship is not an arena. Friendship comes down neither to charm nor to mutual aid and rescue. It is a space of growth and mutual respect, not a place where your own worth is confirmed over and over again.
