Choleric woman and sanguine man
Compatibility
A very hard relationship, close to the friend zone. What has come together here is two competitors working towards shared goals.
In both the man and the woman the ‘masculine principle’, the animus, is dominant. Both are fighting for a place in the sun and for public recognition, and both are set on achievement.
Naturally, that competition carries over into their private life one way or another. Neither of them likes doing the washing-up. For both of them children come second to a career or social achievement. And both like to lay down the rules.
So one of them will have to give way and become a creature of the home for a while. And since both are ‘entrepreneurs’, this takes strong negotiating skills.
A relationship between a choleric woman and a choleric man will never be perfect: it will take a great deal of effort and work. At best it is a ‘so-so relationship’, or something close to ‘friends with benefits’.
Who is the CHOLERIC woman?
- Introvert
- Active life position
- Knows everything, achieves everything herself
Who is the SANGUINE man?
- Extravert
- Active life position
- Needs the attention of other people in order to know themselves
p.s.: Want to know your own temperament?
☛ Take the test right here and find out your attitude, life position, temperament, Ego type and personality type
☑ Find out which partners you are compatible with — and get the full breakdown of why
♫ Read stories of how couples met ♡ with commentary and examples from films
What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: hard work
Both the man and the woman are socially active, dominant and inclined to demand priority for themselves. In a conflict the sanguine and the choleric will each be out to win. In private life this spills over into conflicts fought ‘to the death’ and calls for negotiating skills from both spouses. A concession on one side has to be compensated on the other.
As a rule they meet on some social project, at work or among a crowd of friends. She is sarcastic; he loves and appreciates sarcasm, and humour in general. He knows how to answer her back. At verbal sparring he reaches the heights of mastery.
The sanguine man wins the choleric woman over with his natural brilliance, his spontaneity and the sheer joy he radiates. He makes her world brighter, he brings a sense of celebration, he paints their world in every colour.
It is he who does the seducing, the courting, who draws her into the game. Choleric women often have trouble with their sense of themselves as women, and he sees precisely a woman in her — which wins her over completely.
With his teasing, his allusions and his hints he is forever demonstrating his masculinity, his manhood. The feeling is hard to pin down: has he just propositioned you, or are you still discussing a work project? And at any moment the conversation can be taken either way.
He and she are both players and they enjoy playing. Regularly they start playing against each other. There is an urge to outplay, to win — not in the sense of ‘being better’, but as a game of ‘who can beat whom’.
Sexual compatibility: good
Sex, in fact, is what holds this couple together. Role play, aggression that never got let out — all of it is smoothed over on the sexual front. The relationship starts as a mutual game: flirting, conquest and a battle of the sexes. All of that makes a very good basis for a rich sex life, but no more than that.
The relationship is an explosion! A great deal of passion, a great deal happening. Everything happens under the banner of ‘without you I am miserable, with you it is impossible’. The moment they part and get a little distance from each other, they are ready to climb the walls, they miss the other one so badly.
A desire to possess, to be together, to merge and to tear each other apart. But the moment they come back together, all the accumulated charge turns into an explosion that pushes them away: ‘I hate you!’ The switch between love and hate can flip every few minutes.
Growth and prosperity: neutral
She wants to shine herself and now and then makes an effort to live up to a feminine dress code. Most choleric women want the best of everything. That matters to sanguine men too, and here the two of them meet. She has the feeling that he will bring her out into society, the feeling that he belongs to the bohemian set — even if it is the bohemia of the local courtyard. She is short of that kind of company, and he can provide it.
He awakens a strong maternal instinct in her, being spontaneous, haphazard and somewhat unsettled in life. He may well be talented, and she takes on his upbringing and his promotion with pleasure. We should remember that the psychopathic, manic and schizoid types are inclined to bring others up. In this relationship he will be her creation.
The material prosperity of a couple made up of a sanguine man and a choleric woman is high, since both partners occupy a high social rung. They can work and they can earn, and that is something that unites them.
The material gain is cancelled out by how much energy it takes to keep the personal relationship going. Both of them work, both come home tired — and then what? There is work waiting there too: hard negotiations about where to go on holiday, and so on, over absolutely anything.
As a result the couple ‘burns’ as much energy inside as it earns outside
For children: hard going!
Both the choleric woman and the sanguine man are geared towards social achievement. There is simply no room left in this relationship for children, for feeding them or playing with them. They bring them up the hard way: ‘you can do it yourself!’, ‘you are a big boy/girl now’, ‘other children can manage it already’.
The child ends up with parents who are either simply not at home or cannot sit still at home. If this couple decides to have children, it is the woman who will have to become the ‘homebody’ (who else is going to meet a child’s need for a mother?).
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Choleric women come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the psychopathic personality type
- In the social sphere — the manic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the schizoid personality type
Sanguine men likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the hysteroid personality type
- In the social sphere — the narcissistic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the frustrating personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
Depending on the combination of these three personality types, a relationship between a choleric woman and a sanguine man is either workable or held together by a deep neurosis. It will never be perfect and will take a great deal of effort and work. On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail), what they can build is:
3Analysis and 4 stories
So-so relationships
These can be built by a psychopathic woman and a hysteroid man, a manic woman and a narcissistic man, a schizoid woman and a frustrating man
2Analysis and 3 stories
THE FRIEND ZONE, OR THE ‘UTOPIAN MARRIAGE’
A relationship along the lines of ‘friends with benefits’ will be built by a psychopathic woman and a frustrating man, a manic woman and a hysteroid man, a schizoid woman and a narcissistic man
1Read the analysis
‘This is hell!’ relationships
And it gets truly unusual when a psychopathic woman and a narcissistic man come together, or a manic woman and a frustrating man, or a schizoid woman and a hysteroid man. They do not have a relationship; it is more of a temporary union of absolute opposites. Here the man and the woman are each other’s ‘Shadow’: they find each other fascinating and, at the same time, unbearable to be around. Because it is unbearable, we have never met a relationship like this in real life — only in films.
Below are real stories of relationships between personality types like these. We have added examples from films and, of course, analysed them through the commentary of our counsellors.
So-so relationships
Two fighters live together, but all their attention is directed at the world around them. What matters to her is social achievement; what matters to him is social attention.
The good thing is that they share a common understanding of how goals can be reached and what is better left undone.
- a psychopathic woman and a hysteroid man live by egoistic aspirations. First and foremost come they themselves, their needs and their desires.
- A manic woman and a narcissistic man are united by an understanding of how important society is. What matters to her is the law; to him, ethics, aesthetics and morality.
- A schizoid woman and a frustrating man both stand above society. That is exactly what unites them
THE FRIEND ZONE, OR THE ‘UTOPIAN MARRIAGE’
Unions like this are almost never seen, and when they do come about, they develop with difficulty. A relationship is possible if both partners are emotionally balanced and each of them takes a turn at changing their role
A utopian union is a union in which the relationship develops with great difficulty and friction, despite the formal compatibility of the types. Here it is easier to stay friends.
Plenty of ground for conflict comes from their differing social orientation:
- For a psychopathic woman what comes first is mastery of the world, and that presupposes stability. Sweeping changes are unpleasant for her. For a frustrating man what matters is action and change. His hyperactive, constant rebuilding stops the woman from settling down.
- A narcissistic man values morality; a schizoid woman stands above society and considers ethics unintellectual
- A manic woman sets the standards of behaviour herself — the rules of etiquette, for instance. A hysteroid man, meanwhile, is quite capable of climbing onto the table and dancing to get attention, which is unacceptable to her
‘This is hell!’ relationships
A relationship in which two ‘Shadows’ come together is a striving for what I do not have. The qualities that are least available to me are the ones that attract me most. Such are the relationships formed for a time by a psychopathic woman and a narcissistic man, a manic woman and a frustrating man, a schizoid woman and a hysteroid man.
A couple with your own Shadow is what the paranoid-schizoid types keep trying to form with the hysteroid-epileptoid ones. They are each other's Shadow. No one else feels an erotic attraction to their own Shadow — only these types do. A relationship with your own Shadow keeps pushing the partners into the Shadow dynamic. Romances like this never last.
In real life it is impossible to imagine personalities like these living together for longer than a week. In films, though, it happens — in ‘Jerry Maguire’, for example
Do you have any questions?
Pick whichever messenger suits you best and just ask! No email addresses, anonymous and confidential!
