Choleric woman, melancholic man
Compatibility
This is the ideal traditional marriage, only upside down, with the roles inverted. She is a go-getting ‘business woman’ type — an introvert, active, driven, even a little aggressive at times. He is a man oriented towards harmony and a cosy home, attentive to the children, and an extravert. She knows everything about herself and about how things ought to be; he is emotional, needs the attention of the world around him and gets to know himself through relationships.
This couple find life very easy, both out in the world and inside the relationship. They complement each other as an introvert and an extravert, they support each other as ‘yin’ and ‘yang’, and things between them are ‘the way they are for all normal people’.
The main difficulty for this couple is that society thinks otherwise. For example, that the man should conquer the world while the woman sits at home. For today’s women that is not a problem, but for men the role of the domestic ‘nanny’ does not look terribly attractive in society’s eyes. Once the couple realise that this combination is the ideal one for them, there will be feasting and harmony.
Who is the CHOLERIC woman?
- Introvert
- Active, go-getting life position
- Knows everything about themselves, explores the world
Who is the MELANCHOLIC man?
- Extravert
- Passive, stabilising life position
- Needs a response from the world in order to know themselves
p.s.: Want to know your own temperament?
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♫ Read stories of how couples met ♡ with commentary and examples from films
What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: good!
The melancholic man, being an extravert, needs information from outside. As a rule, this is a man who will ask a great deal about emotions and feelings. The reason for that question is quite trivial: extraverts do not know whether they love their partner if the partner gives them no feedback.
The choleric woman, on the contrary, knows everything about herself. A request along the lines of ‘let us talk about our feelings for the 25th time’ leaves her merely baffled: ‘we talked about it once, it is all clear, stop whingeing’. She knows how things ought to be, what is needed and when. Something of a schoolmistress role. And this is the ideal combination for an introverted woman.
The main task for a harmonious relationship in a couple made up of a melancholic man and a choleric woman is to understand that introverts and extraverts are creatures from Mars and Venus, whose ways of perceiving the world are very different. Unfortunately, this little task is a fundamental problem in the history of civilisation that we have not yet solved terribly successfully. But with our help it is possible)
Sexual compatibility: good
A dominant woman and a man who wants attention. What could be better for the cowgirl position or a spot of dominatrix play?
Everything is in its place here, even if the position is not the most common one in society. Of course, sometimes a man too needs to ‘take’ a woman. But since a couple made up of a melancholic man and a choleric woman are on the whole in agreement, they have free time (the time that other couples destroy sorting out ‘who is in charge here’), and so there is room for all sorts of experiments. Bon voyage!
Growth and prosperity: good!
Inside, the couple are very stable: the choleric woman, from her active life position, is out conquering society, opening up new territory and expanding — and bringing resources home in return for care
The man takes care of the household, and he does so because a melancholic is a person in a passive life position. He is happy just being the two of them, but of course he needs acquaintances and friends to pour his emotions out to.
Because the woman brings in resources and the man provides support on the home front, the family's resources grow. The model is not quite the usual one and statistically is not all that common, but it is absolutely ideal for a choleric woman and a melancholic man
For children: passable
Even though dad is always at home and glad to look after the children, cook and do the laundry, children still need their mum. And the choleric woman is at work at that time, out in society, achieving things and earning resources. Of course, this lack of maternal closeness will tell on the children — but dad will still be there for them.
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Choleric women come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the psychopathic personality type
- In the social sphere — the manic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the schizoid personality type
Melancholic men likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the epileptoid personality type
- In the social sphere — the depressive type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the frustration personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
Depending on the combination of these three personality types, the relationship between a melancholic man and a choleric woman will be either absolutely perfect, or quite successful (we jokingly call it a ‘second-best’ marriage), or held together by a deep neurosis. But in any case these couples are harmonious; the two partners complement each other. This has a positive effect both in their private life and in their social life. On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail) they can build:
5Analysis and 3 stories
Perfect relationships
can be built by a psychopathic woman and an epileptoid man, a manic woman and a depressive man, a schizoid woman and a frustration-type man
4Analysis and 3 stories
Second-best marriage
this relationship is ideal too, just slightly complicated by their different understanding of how society works. It can be built by a psychopathic woman and a frustration-type man, a manic woman and an epileptoid man, a schizoid woman and a depressive man
1Read the analysis
Impossible relationships
If people like these do meet, it is only in order to experience what the other has and they lack. Absolutely unrealistic relationships, which we have not even come across in films, are the theoretical combination of a psychopathic woman and a depressive man, a manic woman and a frustration-type man, a schizoid woman and an epileptoid man
Below are real stories of relationships between personality types like these. We have added examples from films and, of course, analysed them through the commentary of our counsellors.
Perfect relationships
The ideal traditional family off a magazine cover, only the other way round — a workaholic wife and a husband who looks after things at home, cooks the meals and raises the children. For all the broken stereotype, everything here is excellent: the way the masculine and the feminine complement each other, and the exchange between the introverted woman’s self-knowledge and the extraverted man’s need for a response from the world around him.
The couple also share a common understanding of how to deal with society:
- The epileptoid man and the psychopathic woman are both geared to satisfying their own personal needs first and foremost. Materialism makes sense to both of them
- For both the depressive man and the manic woman, social norms and morality matter
- The frustration-type man and the paranoid woman both stand above society, far from its prescriptions
The harmony of relationships like these has been celebrated in many films. Read the real-life stories, complete with examples and commentary from our counsellors:
Second-best marriage
We only call combinations like this ‘second-best’ as a joke, because there is an even more ideal pairing, as above. But everything is excellent here too! It is the same traditional marriage with the roles inverted: the woman is socially active, the man is responsible for harmony and comfort.
The only thing that complicates the relationship is their differing views of their role in society.
- For the epileptoid man, what matters most is the satisfaction of her needs. He can go off the rails and show his emotions without limit. For the manic woman, who puts the interests of society first, an approach like that is unacceptable, to put it mildly.
- For the depressive man it matters to be seen as good in other people’s eyes. What is more, he needs other people, which he shows, for example, through caring for others and through volunteering. The schizoid woman, who stands above society, has no time either for that dependence on public morality or for emotional attachment.
- The frustration-type man strives above all to keep the world around him unchanged and pristine. The psychopathic woman is indifferent to the wholeness of her surroundings — he can destroy it in the name of reaching his goals.
Impossible relationships
For the sake of completeness it is worth mentioning the couples in which the man and the woman are each other's ‘Shadow’. The ‘Shadow’ is the skills and the features of the nervous system that come hardest to us and that other people have. Understandably, meeting people who possess qualities that are ‘unique’ to us feels like magic.
But they also repel: what is beyond our reach breeds incomprehension, rejection and contempt. That is why couples made up of a psychopathic woman and a depressive man, a manic woman and a frustration-type man, a schizoid woman and an epileptoid man are unrealistic, even if they turn up in literature
A couple with your own Shadow is what the paranoid-schizoid types keep trying to form with the hysteroid-epileptoid ones. They are each other's Shadow. No one else feels an erotic attraction to their own Shadow — only these types do. A relationship with your own Shadow keeps pushing the partners into the Shadow dynamic. Romances like this never last.
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