Choleric man, sanguine woman
Compatibility
A very hard relationship, close to the friend zone. Here two competitors have come together to pursue shared goals.
In both the man and the woman the ‘masculine principle’, the ‘animus’, is dominant. Both are fighting for their place in the sun and for public recognition, and both are driven towards achievement.
That competition duly carries over, one way or another, into their private life. Neither of them likes doing the washing-up. For both of them children come second to a career or to social achievement. And both like to lay down the rules.
So one of them will have to give way and become a homebody for a while. And since both are ‘entrepreneurs’, this calls for strong negotiating skills.
The relationship between a sanguine woman and a choleric man will never be perfect, and it will take a great deal of effort and work. At best it is a ‘so-so relationship’, or something close to ‘friends with benefits’.
Who is the SANGUINE woman?
- Extravert
- Active life position
- Needs feedback in order to understand themselves
Who is the CHOLERIC man?
- Introvert
- Active life position
- Knows everything about themselves, explores the world
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What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: hard going
Both the man and the woman are socially active, dominant and used to claiming priority for themselves. In a conflict, both the sanguine and the choleric will be playing to win. In private life this spills over into conflicts fought ‘to the death’ and demands negotiating skills of both spouses. A concession on one side calls for compensation on the other.
Sexual compatibility: good
Sex, in fact, is what holds this couple together. Role play, aggression that never got vented — all of it is smoothed out on the sexual front. The relationship starts as a mutual game, a flirtation, a conquest and a battle of the sexes. All of that is a very good basis for a rich sex life, but no more than that.
Growth and prosperity: neutral
A couple made up of a choleric man and a sanguine woman is well off, since both partners occupy a high rung of the social ladder. They can work and earn, and that unites them.
The financial gain is cancelled out and written down to nothing by how much energy it takes to keep the relationship going. Both of them work, both come home tired — and then what? There is work waiting there too: hard negotiations about where to go on holiday, and so on, over any pretext at all.
As a result, the couple ‘burn’ as much energy inside as they earn outside
For children: bad!
Both the sanguine woman and the choleric man are geared towards social achievement. In this relationship there is simply no room left for children, for feeding them, for playing with them. Their upbringing is run in a hard-edged way: ‘you can do it yourself!’, ‘you are a grown-up’, ‘other children can already manage’.
The child ends up with parents who are either simply not at home, or who cannot bear to stay in it.
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Sanguine women come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the hysteroid personality type
- In the social sphere — the narcissistic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the frustrating personality type
Choleric men likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the psychopathic personality type
- In the social sphere — the manic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the schizoid personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
Depending on the combination of these three personality types, a relationship between a sanguine woman and a choleric man is either workable or held together by a deep neurosis. It will never be perfect, and it will take a great deal of effort and work. On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail), they can build:
3Analysis and 3 stories
So-so relationships
These can be built by a hysteroid woman and a psychopathic man, a narcissistic woman and a manic man, a frustrating woman and a schizoid man
2Analysis and 3 stories
THE FRIEND ZONE, OR THE ‘UTOPIAN MARRIAGE’
A relationship close to ‘friends with benefits’ will be built by a hysteroid woman and a manic man, a narcissistic woman and a schizoid man, a frustrating woman and a psychopathic man
1Read the analysis
‘This is hell!’ relationships
And it will be quite extraordinary when a hysteroid woman and a schizoid man, a narcissistic woman and a psychopathic man, a frustrating woman and a manic man come together. They do not have a relationship; it is rather a temporary union of absolute opposites. Here the man and the woman are each other's ‘Shadow’: they find each other fascinating and unbearably hard to be around at the same time. Because it is unbearable, we have never come across such a relationship in life — only in the cinema.
Below are real stories of relationships between personality types like these. We have added examples from films and, of course, analysed them through the commentary of our counsellors.
So-so relationships
Two fighters live together, but all their attention is turned outwards, to the world around them. What matters to him is social achievement; what matters to her is social attention.
It is a good thing that they share one understanding of how goals can be reached and of what is better left undone.
- a hysteroid woman and a psychopathic man live for their own ends. First place goes to themselves, their needs and their desires.
- A narcissistic woman and a manic man are united by their sense of how important society is. What matters to him is the law; to her, morality.
- A frustrating woman and a schizoid man both stand above society. That is what unites them
THE FRIEND ZONE, OR THE ‘UTOPIAN MARRIAGE’
Unions like this are almost never seen, and when they do come about, they develop with difficulty. A relationship is possible if both partners are emotionally balanced and each of them takes a turn at changing their role
A utopian union is a union in which the relationship develops with great difficulty and friction, despite the formal compatibility of the types. Here it is easier to stay friends.
Plenty of ground for conflict appears against the background of their different social orientations:
- For a hysteroid woman, her own interests come first. For a manic man, what matters is a social idea.
- A narcissistic woman values morality; a schizoid man stands above society and ethics
- A frustrating woman is a revolutionary: what matters to her is change. A psychopathic man, deep down, values structure and order, and there is no place here for tearing things down
‘This is hell!’ relationships
A relationship in which two ‘Shadows’ come together is a longing for what I do not have. The qualities that are least available to me are exactly the ones that attract me most. Such is the relationship when a hysteroid woman and a schizoid man, a narcissistic woman and a psychopathic man, a frustrating woman and a manic man come together for a while.
A couple with your own Shadow is what the paranoid-schizoid types keep trying to form with the hysteroid-epileptoid ones. They are each other's Shadow. No one else feels an erotic attraction to their own Shadow — only these types do. A relationship with your own Shadow keeps pushing the partners into the Shadow dynamic. Romances like this never last.
In real life it is impossible to imagine personalities like these living together for longer than a week. In the cinema, though, it happens — in the film ‘Jerry Maguire’, for instance
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