Phlegmatic man and sanguine woman
Compatibility
Bingo! A perfect combination of temperaments, in which everything fits together. Since each temperament comes in three personality types, here too the relationship can be perfect, or a little more complicated, or downright impossible.
In the woman, the ‘masculine principle’, the animus, is dominant. Social attention matters to her — and not to him. He is quite content simply being on his own, or being the two of them. And that is a perfect combination for a harmonious personal life that lets both of them grow: he does not stand in her way, and she gets the home and hearth she was missing.
So there is no competition at all in their private life. She is not especially fond of fussing over children; he adores it. She is busy at work; he will always cook a meal at home. She goes after social recognition; he gives her that recognition freely and willingly. Winning the contest matters to her; harmony and agreement matter to him.
The one creative task for this couple is to overcome social pressure. Our society still largely holds to the view that it is the woman who is the creature of the home. Statistically that is true: among the passive personality types, for whom harmony matters, women predominate. Here it is the other way round: the ‘masculine principle’ is expressed in the woman and the feminine one in the man. And here it matters that the couple accept that they are not the majority of society. Then harmony comes.
Who is the SANGUINE woman?
- Extravert
- Active life position
- Needs feedback in order to understand themselves
Who is the PHLEGMATIC man?
- Introvert
- Passive life position
- Knows everything about themselves, explores the world
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♫ Read stories of how couples met ♡ with commentary and examples from films
What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: excellent!
The compatibility of an active extravert and a passive introvert is harmonious in every respect. She is socially active and ‘wins’ public recognition for the couple. For him what matters is not the victory but taking part, and that balances the couple: when she gets carried away, he brings her back down to earth. When she shines, he admires her.
The same harmony shows up in their inner conflicts. It costs him nothing to give way — harmony is what matters. And it matters to her to be first, to be right, to be the clever one every time. There is nothing even to quarrel about!
Sexual compatibility: good
Intense sex needs a certain amount of healthy aggression. Aggression comes out of conflict. And there is an order of magnitude less conflict in a couple made up of a phlegmatic man and a sanguine woman than in other combinations. So if you are looking for roughness, here you will find it only in role play.
But for closeness, mutual enjoyment and tantric sex, everything here is in place. The way the masculine principle in her and the feminine principle in him complement each other adds up beautifully to an intimate relationship
Growth and prosperity: excellent!
Since the couple does not devour energy from within (on quarrels, negotiations and sorting things out), that energy is set free for the outside world. In couples like this one partner earns very well while the other holds the fort at home, providing support and comfort.
The hardest thing for a couple of a phlegmatic man and a sanguine woman is to free themselves from society’s clichés — that a man is strength and a woman is weak. Here it is the other way round, above all because of their innate temperament. Once the couple has recognised that their position is not the one society expects, their potential for personal growth and prosperity grows without limit.
For children: good!
An excellent model, in which fathers stay on parental leave and look after the baby while the mothers go back quickly to building a career. Of course, it is not the ideal arrangement for children under three or four, since at an early age a father cannot replace the mother’s role. But it is important to understand here that the mother’s innate temperament is directed not at domestic comfort, harmony and warmth but at conquest, struggle and social achievement.
And the father’s innate temperament is likewise directed not at being a tough guy but at exactly what children need. That is why, for a phlegmatic man and a sanguine woman, a marriage with ‘inverted roles’ is a perfect combination.
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Sanguine women come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the hysteroid personality type
- In the social sphere — the narcissistic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the frustrating personality type
Phlegmatic men likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the autistic personality type
- In the social sphere — the compulsive type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the paranoid personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
Depending on the combination of these three personality types, the relationship of a phlegmatic man and a sanguine woman will be either absolutely perfect, or perfectly successful (we jokingly call that a ‘second-best’ marriage), or held together by a deep neurosis. In any case these couples are harmonious; both partners complement each other. That tells positively on their private life and on their social life alike. On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail), they can build:
5Analysis and 3 stories
Perfect relationships
can be built by a hysteroid woman and an autistic man, a narcissistic woman and a compulsive man, a frustrating woman and a paranoid man
4Analysis and 3 stories
Second-best marriage
these relationships are perfect too, only slightly complicated by their different understandings of how society works. They can be built by a hysteroid woman and a compulsive man, a narcissistic woman and a paranoid man, a frustrating woman and an autistic man
1Read the analysis
Impossible relationships
If people like these do meet, it is only to get to know what the other one has and they do not. Completely unrealistic relationships, which we have only ever come across in films, are the combinations of a hysteroid woman and a paranoid man, a narcissistic woman and an autistic man, and a frustrating woman and a compulsive man
Below are real stories of relationships between personality types like these. We have added examples from films and, of course, analysed them through the commentary of our counsellors.
Perfect relationships
Here a woman who seeks social attention has met a self-sufficient man for whom the two of them are quite enough. Everything about it is wonderful: the way the masculine and the feminine principles complement each other, and the exchange between the introverted man’s self-knowledge and the extraverted woman’s need for a response from the world around her.
The couple also share a common understanding of how to deal with society:
- A hysteroid woman and an autistic man are both geared above all to satisfying their own personal needs. Materialism makes sense to both of them
- For the narcissistic woman and for the compulsive man alike, social norms and morality matter
- The frustrating woman and the paranoid man both stand above society, far from its prescriptions
The harmony of relationships like these has been celebrated in many films. Read the real-life stories, complete with examples and commentary from our counsellors:
Second-best marriage
We call combinations like this ‘second-best’ only as a joke, because there is a still more perfect pairing, as described above. But everything is fine here too! This is a traditional marriage with ‘inverted roles’, that is, one in which the man takes the role usually meant for the woman. At the same time the woman is a kind of ‘man in a skirt’.
The most important thing for this couple is to ignore those social norms and to realise that for them roles like these are the most energy-saving combination there is.
The only thing that complicates the relationship is their differing views of their role in society.
- For the hysteroid woman, attention at any price matters, even if the price is a bad image. For the compulsive man, keeping to laws and rules matters. He will not accept just any behaviour from a woman
- For the narcissistic woman, unlike the hysteroid one, aesthetics, ethics and morality matter. Social recognition matters to her, but it has to be beautiful. The paranoid man, on the contrary, is wary of society and keeps his distance from it. Hence the potential for conflict
- The frustrating woman, like Karlsson on the Roof, can turn everything upside down. The autistic man will suffer greatly from that: what matters to him is preserving the status quo and keeping the world around him unchanged.
Impossible relationships
For the sake of completeness it is worth mentioning the couples in which the man and the woman are each other's ‘Shadow’. The ‘Shadow’ is the skills and the features of the nervous system that come hardest to us and that other people have. Understandably, meeting people who possess qualities that are ‘unique’ to us feels like magic.
But they also repel each other: what is beyond our reach breeds incomprehension, rejection and contempt. That is why couples made up of a hysteroid woman and a paranoid man, a narcissistic woman and an autistic man, or a frustrating woman and a compulsive man are unrealistic, even if they do turn up in literature.
A couple with your own Shadow is what the paranoid-schizoid types keep trying to form with the hysteroid-epileptoid ones. They are each other's Shadow. No one else feels an erotic attraction to their own Shadow — only these types do. A relationship with your own Shadow keeps pushing the partners into the Shadow dynamic. Romances like this never last.
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