Melancholic man and sanguine woman
Compatibility
A troubled, stagnant relationship in which there is no development, no personal growth and no change. It is more like brothers in arms: one is the warrior, the other the squire, but both of them need glory, attention and a response from outside. The warrior takes everything for himself, the squire feeds on the scraps the warrior leaves. In short, this is no Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.
Both the melancholic and the sanguine are extraverts. An extravert is a person whose attention is directed at the world around them, so as to know and understand themselves through the response that comes back. Without that response the extravert cannot ‘close the gestalt’, cannot say to themselves: ‘so that is what it is called’.
A stable marriage needs different degrees of introversion and activity, so that we are different from each other and our temperaments differ accordingly. Without that difference there is no development.
The situation is complicated by the fact that in the melancholic man the feminine principle, the anima, is dominant. For the sanguine woman — an extravert with a dominant masculine principle — a man like this is a pale copy of herself.
From time to time a melancholic man and a sanguine woman may get together to ‘lick their wounds’ after a relationship that went wrong, to complain about their exes and even to explore the subject of ‘pity sex’. And to split up a couple of months later at the very latest.
Who is the SANGUINE woman?
- Extravert
- Active life position
- Needs feedback in order to understand themselves
Who is the MELANCHOLIC man?
- Extravert
- Passive life position
- Needs feedback in order to understand themselves
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What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: no chance!
In real life there can be no marriage here, because both the melancholic man and the sanguine woman are extraverts. One way or another we choose partners in order to close and satisfy inner needs. Most often those needs are unconscious, and that is what shows up as the ‘magic’ of a relationship.
The main unconscious need of extraverts is to receive the attention of other people, so as to get information about themselves from outside. Two extraverts cannot meet that need for each other.
Sexual compatibility: poor!
Pity sex is something that may happen now and then. But that is not yet a relationship.
Growth and prosperity: a little
There will be no personal growth here, because two extraverts cannot help each other to know themselves: they do not properly understand themselves as it is.
Materially this temporary couple can help each other as ‘allies’: the sanguine woman is after social recognition, she has an active life position, winning matters to her. The melancholic man is in a passive life position; what matters to him is harmony and taking part. So the man will support the woman in her social ventures.
For children: no chance
We have never come across a relationship between two extraverts that lasted longer than a couple of months. Homosexual couples of this kind are rare. In theory the melancholic man, as an extravert in a passive life position who cares about home, comfort and harmony, is perfectly capable of taking over the raising of the children.
But since a child in the early stages of development needs a mother, the question of how suitable a relationship between a melancholic man and a sanguine woman is for raising children simply does not arise.
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Sanguine women come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the hysteroid personality type
- In the social sphere — the narcissistic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the frustrating personality type
Choleric men likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the psychopathic personality type
- In the social sphere — the manic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the schizoid personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
Sanguines come in three personality types:
- the hysteroid personality type
- the narcissistic type
- the frustrating personality type
Essentially these are what we call ‘dynamics’ — a style of behaviour that in sanguines changes over the course of the day depending on the circumstances.
On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail), the relationship between a melancholic man and a sanguine woman will look something like this:
We have never seen a real-life example of a relationship between two extraverts. In films, yes, it happens.
1Read the analysis
‘Brothers in arms’ relationships
The problem with this relationship is described above. Unlike Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, the melancholic man and the sanguine woman will not end up any better fed as a couple. Most likely it is the woman who will get more. Why — read on below
‘Brothers in arms’ relationships
For the sanguine woman, an active person, winning matters more. The melancholic man is in a passive, harmonious life position: what matters to him is taking part, and he will hand the victory to the woman. The trouble is that both of them need one and the same resource — attention from outside. And in a couple it has to be shared. In the woman's favour, of course, and the man here will be feeding on the ‘scraps’. Which is exactly what will break this relationship up. In our observation, within a couple of months.
All the same, the fairy tale about how good it is to be alike lives on in the cinema. Read the article ‘An introvert needs an extravert’ below, with an example.
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