Phlegmatic man and choleric woman.
Compatibility
The same goes for a phlegmatic woman and a choleric man
A troubled, stagnant relationship in which no development, no personal growth and no change take place. It is more like comrades in arms: one is the warrior, the other the squire, but both want the same thing — resources, knowledge, ideas, power. The warrior takes everything for himself, the squire lives off the scraps the warrior leaves behind. All in all, this is no Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.
It makes no difference whether we are talking about a phlegmatic man and a choleric woman or, the other way round, a choleric man and a phlegmatic woman. The essence of their relationship is one and the same
Both the phlegmatic and the choleric are introverts. An introvert is someone who knows everything about himself, about how things ought to be and about what the universe rests on. He then tries that knowledge on against the outside world. When two introverts explore the world around them together, it looks more like an army platoon: there is a commander, there are subordinates and there may even be a fair division of the ‘spoils’.
From time to time the phlegmatic and the choleric may join forces against a hostile outside world, or unite for a conquest. And they are bound to part once the resources are in hand.
The one in charge of this ‘crusade’ will be the choleric, because it is she who holds the active life position, aimed at expansion and conquest. The phlegmatic will obediently fall in with the orders of the ‘boss’, male or female.
A stable marriage, on the other hand, needs different kinds of introversion and different degrees of activity — it needs us to be different, and so to have different temperaments. Without that difference there is no development.
Who is the CHOLERIC?
- Introvert
- Active life position
- Knows everything about the world; expansion is what matters to her
Who is the PHLEGMATIC?
- Introvert
- Passive life position
- Knows how the world is put together and will follow the rules
p.s.: Want to know your own temperament?
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What are the prospects?
Marital happiness: the army!
In real life there can be no marriage here, because both the choleric and the phlegmatic are introverts. One way or another we choose partners in order to cover and satisfy inner needs. Most often those needs are unconscious, and that is what shows up as the ‘magic’ of a relationship.
The introvert's main need is to know the world, to shape it and to keep it stable. One way or another this shows up as an ‘alliance’ before society and for society.
Sexual compatibility: a quickie
From time to time, in the lull between battles, you can have a quick one to take the edge off the tension or to meet a personal need. It is rather like having a coffee, smoking a cigarette or going to bed with someone. So the sex will be very technical, and strictly to the point.
If the choleric is the woman, then, amusingly, when it comes to aggression in sex, in a phlegmatic-man and choleric-woman relationship it is the woman who will show it. The choleric is a temperament in an active, dominant position. See the film clip below.
Growth and prosperity: a little
There will be no personal growth here, because two introverts cannot help each other expand their consciousness: they already know everything they need to about the world (or so they think, at least). For personal development they need the world of emotions that extraverts usually supply. And there is no extravert in this couple.
Materially, this temporary couple can help each other as ‘brothers in arms’: the choleric is out for social conquest, holds an active life position, and what matters to him or her is victory. The phlegmatic holds a passive life position, and what matters to him is belonging to the group and keeping to the rules.
If the phlegmatic is the man, he will support the woman in her social ventures.
For children — terrible!
We have never come across a relationship between two introverts that lasted more than a couple of months. Even among same-sex couples it is not a thing
If the woman is the choleric, it is bad for the children. A choleric in an active social position is more concerned with discovering America than with raising children. And the phlegmatic man, who would be glad enough to bring the children up strictly, cannot take the mother's place.
Not quite you? Pick a different temperament!
Relationships by personality type: an overview
Cholerics come in 3 personality types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the psychopathic personality type
- In the social sphere — the manic type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the schizoid personality type
Phlegmatics likewise come in three types:
- In the antisocial sphere — the autistic personality type
- In the social sphere — the compulsive type, and
- In the extra-social sphere — the paranoid personality type
Three scenarios for this couple
But whatever the personality types, every combination will be deeply neurotic.
On a scale from 5 (perfect) to 1 (a complete fail), the relationship between a sanguine man and a melancholic woman will look something like this:
We have never come across real-life examples of a relationship between two extraverts. In the cinema, yes, it happens. And even there it ends badly
1Read the analysis
‘Brothers in arms’ relationships
The problem with this relationship is described above. It comes down to this: any such union holds together only as long as there is an external goal. The moment the goal disappears, the relationship falls apart with it
‘Brothers in arms’ relationships
Building a relationship on external expediency can be very useful for getting things done. But hardly for the relationship itself.
From time to time schizoid and paranoid women may pair up in lesbian couples. In couples like these the women are often in dynamics, and may be in the psychotic dynamic. A couple based on dynamics is therefore short-lived: as soon as one of them returns to her base, the couple falls apart.
All the same, the fairy tale about how good it is to be alike lives on in the cinema. Read the article ‘An introvert needs an extravert’ below, with an example.
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